I’m Not Looking For A Sugar Daddy, But I Do Need A Guy Who Can Pay For Himself

Money is one those super serious subjects that can make or break a relationship. If one person is making more than the other, it can bring up some insecurities and a lot of other issues. While I honestly don’t care how much money my partner makes, I don’t want to be his personal piggy bank. Here’s why he needs to pay for himself:

  1. My financial independence IS my independence. I’m super proud of the fact that I can support myself doing a job that I love. I equate my financial independence with being strong and secure in other aspects of my life, as well. I’m not about to sacrifice my hard-earned cash and start paying for my BF, no matter how much I cared about him. It wouldn’t work for me at all.
  2. I don’t want his money. Plain and simple. I can pay for myself, whether that’s dinner at a nice restaurant or a vacation. Since I don’t want someone to pay for me all the time (or even most of the time), I wouldn’t want to cover his costs either. It just wouldn’t feel right and I would constantly be asking myself why I was putting myself in this unfair position (and why he was putting me there, too).
  3. I would never date someone who’s lazy. The truth is that if someone of either gender doesn’t have their own income, they’re probably pretty lazy. There’s really no excuse for not holding down some sort of employment. Even if a guy is waiting for his dream job, he could still find a position in the meantime to give him some cash. I would never date a guy who couldn’t pay for himself simply because I would never be attracted to someone who wasn’t as ambitious and hard-working as I am.
  4. Merging bank accounts is a big deal. I would have to know someone super well before combining our bank accounts, and even if I was in a super serious relationship, I still wouldn’t cover my boyfriend’s every expense. I would only start doing that if we were starting a family, saving money to buy a condo together, or something else that proves that we’re in it for the long haul.
  5. Things should be equal. If I’m going to pay for my boyfriend, then he should pay for me too… and that pretty much defeats the entire purpose. If he’s in a shaky financial situation, he wouldn’t be able to reciprocate, and that wouldn’t be okay. I totally believe that everything in a relationship should be equal and money has to be one of them.
  6. I’ve heard too many horror stories. It seriously makes me crazy when I hear about a woman paying for her boyfriend’s luxurious lifestyle or letting him live in her apartment rent-free. I would never want to put myself in a sketchy position where I would be putting my future and livelihood on the line for a guy. Not happening.
  7. I don’t want to create problems. There’s a reason that the phrase “more money, more problems” exists. I know that no relationship is simple and that there will always be less than perfect moments, but I would want to give my love story the best chance possible of working out. That means making our own money.
  8. I’m a saver, not a big spender. Yes, I treat myself to the occasional new dress or brand new cookbook, but in general, I like to save my money. I feel good about growing my bank account and building the life that I want. Since I’m a saver and not a big spender, I would be uncomfortable AF with bankrolling my boyfriend.
  9. It would be embarrassing. If my friends and family found out that I was paying for my BF, I would be super humiliated. I would feel like I was letting him walk all over me and take advantage of me. Because that’s exactly what he would be doing. I would also never hear the end of it from the people in my life, and that wouldn’t be super fun.
  10. It’s just not love. If I ever expected someone to pay for me all the time, I would seriously question the relationship and my place in it. I would realize that something was totally off and that I needed to take a good hard look at myself. Expecting someone else to be the sole breadwinner is just not love. It’s entitled, it’s lazy, and it’s immature. I want a relationship that is all about respect and compassion and love, and I want us each to bring our own funds to the table.
Aya Tsintziras is a freelance lifestyle writer and editor from Toronto, Canada. In addition to writing about dating and relationships for Bolde, she also writes about movies, TV, and video games for ScreenRant and GameRant. She has a Political Science degree from the University of Toronto and a Masters of Journalism from Ryerson University. You can find her on Twitter @ayatsintziras and on Instagram @aya.tsintziras.