I’m Not In Love With The Guy I’m With, I’m In Lust—And It’s Even Better

There are many different kinds of romantic relationships. Some are just for the night, some turn into serious, long-term commitments, and some fall in the space in between—they’re ongoing but purely physical and a whole lot of fun. The latter are my favorite. After all, being in lust is way better than being in love.

  1. SEX IS THE MAIN FOCUS. Human beings are very sexual by nature, so it’s nice to be in a fling where sex is always on the cards each and every time that you see the other person. I don’t care what his job is, what he does in his spare time, or what his first pet hamster was called. All I care about is him not wasting any more time, removing my clothes, and gettin’ down and dirty.
  2. THE FUTURE IS OFF THE TABLE. If I’m enjoying the fling in the moment, why on God’s green earth would I want to overcomplicate it by thinking about the future? As far as my situation is concerned, there is no future, and that’s exactly why it works and why it feels so good. The future doesn’t matter, so I can enjoy myself completely in that moment while it lasts.
  3. THERE ARE NO SIGNS OF FEELINGS. It’s all about sex and we both know that, so I don’t have to worry about him catching feelings or about getting in over my head. I can lose my inhibitions and do whatever the heck you want to do because there aren’t any consequences and no one’s feelings are going to get hurt.
  4. HE’S NOT BOYFRIEND MATERIAL. I just don’t look at this dude as a potential boyfriend. I look at him as a sex object, and that’s perfectly okay for both of us. I’m not going to want to pursue something romantically with every man that I come across. Sometimes I just want to have my wicked way with him and move onto the next. That’s the way it goes!
  5. I’m ATTRACTED TO HIM MORE THAN I LIKE HIM. I’d rather have sex with him than listen to him talk about his life. Does that make me a bad person? No, it just means that the attraction I have for him is purely physical. I’m not going to emotionally connect with every man I meet and there’s nothing wrong with that.
  6. MY EYE IS A-WANDERIN’. You know for sure if it’s lust if you can’t help but look at other fine male specimens. Sure, I’m looking at my fling buddy and I like what I see, but I also want to explore my other options. I’m young! I want to check out everything on the menu before I decide what I’m going to order. Nobody wants to have to settle for a green salad when you can have a fine cut of steak, am I right?
  7. I HAVE RELATIONSHIP BENEFITS. I might be only having a fling, but I have all the benefits of being in a long-term relationship without actually being in one. Important disclaimer: it’s not selfish at all if you’re upfront about your arrangement with your fling buddy from the very start and you’ve both agreed you’re on the same page. We’re both on the same page about what we’re doing and if that changed for either one of us, we’d talk about it and respond accordingly. It’s all good.
  8. I DON’T HAVE ALL THE WORRIES OF A RELATIONSHIP. With a long-term relationship comes complex emotions. I don’t have to wonder where he is, what he’s doing, and who he’s doing it with because he’s not my boyfriend. In a casual arrangement like ours, it’s simple and it’s pretty straightforward—all either of us has to worry about is when we’re hooking up next.
  9. I love the feeling of freedom. Being in lust rather than love means that I have all the freedom I could possibly want. He’s free to do whatever the hell he wants and so am I. There are no rules, no one to answer to, and everything’s so much more light-hearted. Who wouldn’t want a situation like that?
  10. THERE ARE OTHER OPPORTUNITIES OUT THERE. Sure, I have a great time flingin’ and it’s good fun, but there are so many other opportunities for me out there. Chances are, if I’m in lust and I haven’t caught feelings early on, I’m not going to catch them at all. Basically, I’m holding out for something more. I want the perfect lust and love combination and I believe it’s out there. I’ll definitely find it—just not with this guy.
Katie Davies is a British freelance writer who has built a career creating lifestyle content that caters to the modern woman. When she's not sipping tea, shopping, or exploring a new city, you'll probably find her blogging about her fashion and travel adventures at https://trendytourist.co.uk.