Opinion: It’s Not Your Partner’s Responsibility To “Take You As You Are”

Opinion: It’s Not Your Partner’s Responsibility To “Take You As You Are” ©iStock/Constantinis

You’re beautiful and intelligent with a great sense of humor, but that doesn’t mean you don’t have flaws. You’re only human, after all. You might think it’s your boyfriend’s responsibility to just accept you for who you are, especially when it comes to your less desirable traits, but it’s really not — it’s down to you to become a better person. Here’s why you should always be working on your crap:

  1. You won’t become a dirtbag. Telling someone they should take you as you are or GTFO can be satisfying, like if the guy you’re dating suggests you lose weight or get butt implants, but if your partner brings one of your genuine flaws to your attention, such as if you have the tendency to want things your way, and you aren’t open to seeing this, you might need to enlist an outsider’s point of view. So, you ask your bestie and she says your boyfriend is right and you still don’t want to see your flaws? You’re being unreasonable. No one wants to be around someone who thinks they’re always right and doesn’t see room for self-improvement.
  2. You allow yourself to grow. Who really wants to hear that they can be bitchy or need to lighten up? Facing your imperfections is not fun. However, keep your eye on the prize. If you’re meeting your partner halfway by sharing with him what you think you can both change about yourselves, you give yourselves the opportunity for major self-growth.
  3. You improve your relationship. Just being open to the idea of honesty from your partner allows you to identify things that aren’t working in your relationship or that you’re both not happy with, which will strengthen your relationship. If you’re not open to that kind of communication, then you’re preventing yourself from getting closer to him by thinking that you’re perfect. No one wants to date Miss Perfect. A real GF who can face her flaws is so much more intriguing.
  4. You raise your standards. By focusing on areas you can change about yourself and working on them, you raise your self-confidence and your standards in the dating game, too. You know your value and this prevents you from allowing toxic relationships from screwing with you.
  5. You don’t lose the people you love. It’s healthy not to care so much about what other people think of you, but you can’t decide to emotionally live on your own secluded island. That’s just not realistic. You want the happiness of those closest to you, after all. Sure, people should accept all the crazy, amazing qualities that make you special, but if those qualities are putting them off, it’s time to consider if those characteristics are really worth keeping. If they’re doing no justice to the amazing person you are, then toss ’em.
  6. You learn if your partner will compromise or if he’s a dirtbag. By identifying your own flaws and working on them, you can also see if your partner meets you halfway by doing the same with things you consider to be his flaws. It’s a great exercise to learn more about your partner. If you’re the only one changing things and trying to be the best partner, or you’re sacrificing things about yourself that should never be compromised (such as your dreams), you should change your boyfriend instead of yourself.
  7. You can finally love yourself. Accepting your flaws is a great thing, but what if you have some you not only dislike but which are also holding you back, such as a lack of confidence? If you try your hardest to ignore or accept these, you’re really just denying yourself the opportunity to be happy. And if you can’t be genuinely happy about yourself, you certainly can’t have a satisfying relationship.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.