He’s Not A Player Just Because He Broke Up With You, He Just Knew You Weren’t the One

It’s tempting to want to curse your ex’s name after he dumps you. After all, you were an amazing girlfriend and things were going well — or so you thought. You did everything right and all you got out of it was a broken heart. WTF? As much as you might want to hate your former boyfriend’s guts, take a deep breath and understand that he probably wasn’t trying to ruin your life, he just didn’t think you were the right girl for him.

  1. There was no “right time” to dump you. The breakup might have felt poorly timed because it followed a bad day when you were super hungover, or a bad year when everything seemed to be raining down on you, or it happened too close to your birthday. That might be true, but there’s never a day that actually sounds like a chill one to get dumped, and he had to do it at some point.
  2. He left you for someone else because he liked her more. There wasn’t an evil cackle that went on behind the scenes as he decided who to dump and who to keep — it was probably a bummer moment for him.  If he was dating you at all he liked you in some way, he just liked someone else better. If he broke up with you to be with her instead of just cheating on you and trying to have his cake and eat it too, maybe you should actually be thanking him for showing you that respect.
  3. You didn’t see it coming because he did care about you. You might have had the rug pulled out from under when it happened, but that’s because he actually cared about you. Some of the stuff was there and he loved to spend time with you, but the stuff that wasn’t there ultimately made the decision for him.
  4. He changed his mind. He asked you to be his girlfriend because that’s what he thought he wanted or it really was what he wanted at that time. But things change, like his mind. He’s allowed to do that and while it’s incredibly personal, it’s also not. It’s about him and isn’t actually a reflection on you. Sometimes you fall out of love or you realize what you thought was love really isn’t at all, and that may have happened here.
  5. He made the right choice. He could have stayed with you despite not being all in on some level, but he knew that wasn’t the right choice. It wouldn’t be right for him, and it also wouldn’t be right for you. He saved you from staying in a relationship that wasn’t right and freed you up so that you can find one that is. It’s a good thing, even if you can’t see it just yet.
  6. Just because he’s gone doesn’t mean it wasn’t real/good while it lasted. Getting dumped might make you question whether it was ever real at all, but it happened, so yeah, it was real enough. He probably doesn’t regret the time he spent with you or the amazing things you did together just because he’s no longer with you, so you don’t need to tarnish the memories either. Let them stay good.
  7. He knows what real love is. He knows how love feels or how he wants it to feel, and he recognized that your relationship didn’t have it, at least not in the way that he wanted it. You can’t fault the guy for that at all. It’s actually sweet and it’s a quality you want in the next guy as well because then your soulmate will actually be single and open to being with you when you finally meet. If he didn’t know he wanted more, he might be with the wrong girl.
  8. He probably wasn’t looking to the end while he was in it. You might wonder why he would bother meeting your parents if he was going to dump you later, but girl, he didn’t know. He wasn’t planning on getting your family hooked, only to throw you off a cliff in front of them. At the time it made sense and it was the right thing to do.
  9. Untangling your lives is the least of your concerns. You’re struggling through those moments of figuring out who gets custody of the dog while cursing him all the way through. But having to avoid him at your favorite bar is not a real concern in the long run, and he knew that. Ending the wrong relationship was more important than the logistics about what happens after that.
  10. Ultimately, he’s saving you some heartache. If you think getting dumped hurt, imagine how much more it could hurt the longer you were together. If there was a way to end it without breaking your heart, don’t you think he’d prefer that option? Probably, but doing when he did might have been the best version he could come up with.
Kate Ferguson is a Los Angeles local and freelance writer for a variety of blog and magazine genres. When she's not writing, the UC Davis graduate is focused on pursuits of the entertainment industry, spin class, and hot sauce. Look for article links, updates, (and the occasional joke) on Twitter @KateFerg or @WriterKateFerg, or check out her personal blog ThatsRandomKate.blogspot.com