It’s Not Up To You To Stop Him From Cheating

It’s Not Up To You To Stop Him From Cheating ©iStock/Petar Chernaev

When you find out your guy has been cheating on you, it’s hard not to start thinking about all the signs you should’ve seen along the way — as if you somehow should’ve been able to predict that he was going to cheat on you and stopped it. Realistically, a lot of guys who cheat are also really good liars, and there’s no way you could have known what he was up to behind your back. Extreme jealousy and controlling behavior isn’t going to prevent him from cheating, either. If he wants to cheat, he will, and there’s nothing you can do about it.

  1. He makes his own choices. He’s an adult, right? That means he’s responsible for every choice he makes, even when he’s drunk. He can justify why he made that choice all he wants, but that won’t change what he did.
  2. Peer pressure is no excuse. You might know some of his friends are a bad influence, but it isn’t your place to choose who he hangs out with. Besides, just because his friends cheat on their girlfriends, doesn’t mean he’s required to do the same. Unless it’s some kind of weird frat hazing ritual. In that case, you don’t want to date that guy.
  3. Being irrationally suspicious will only drive him away. Paranoia makes us do crazy things, so if you’re constantly worried he’s out cheating on you, you’re probably going to end up accusing him at some point. No guy likes be accusing of cheating, especially if he isn’t. Not many guys want to date the crazy jealous girl. At least not for long.
  4. You can’t control his every move. You might think if you know where he is at all times, everyone he talks to and everything he’s doing, he won’t be able to cheat on you. But do you really want to live like that? A healthy relationship requires trust, and if you don’t have that, it’s not worth the hassle.
  5. If he wants to do it he’ll find a way. Even if you think you’re keeping tabs on him, if he really wants to cheat on you, he’ll cheat on you. He’ll lie, and get his friends to cover for him. Whatever it takes. Unless you never leave his side, he’s going to get his chance, and if he wants it that bad, you should just let him have it. Because you don’t need a boyfriend like that.
  6. You can’t control his feelings. Maybe he already feels like your relationship is over and sees no point in trying to salvage it. Sometimes things are too far gone to save, and he’s already half way out the door before you even realize it. Cheating might be his way of ending it. Granted, it’s the wrong way to go about it, but at least you know it’s really over.
  7. It most likely has nothing to do with you. You might think you weren’t good enough and that’s why he had to find someone else to meet his needs. But if he’s cheating on you, he probably isn’t thinking about you much at all. He’ll try to blame you to alleviate his guilt a little bit, but the truth is, if he cared about you, he wouldn’t have cheated.
  8. There’s no reason he can’t break up with you first. If he really wants to sleep with another girl and he just can’t imagine not sleeping with her, there’s nothing stopping him from dumping you before he does it. He’s still a scumbag, and you’re probably better off without him, but at least if he dumps you first he isn’t a cheater.
  9. All relationships go through ups and downs. Guys are always saying they cheated because they weren’t getting enough sex at home. But all relationships go through slumps, that doesn’t mean you can sleep around (unless you both agree on that, of course). You shouldn’t feel like your rough patch drove him to no other choice but to cheat. There is always another choice.
By day, Courtney is a digital marketing copywriter living in Toronto, Canada. By night, she's a freelance lifestyle writer who, in addition to, contributes regularly to, IN Magazine, and SheBlogs Canada. Want to chat about relationships, Stephen King or your favorite true crime podcast/documentary/book? She's on Twitter @courtooo.