You’re Not Strong Or Brave For Staying In A Crappy Relationship—You’re Being Stupid

You’d be embarrassed if someone took a magnifying glass to your relationship, highlighting all of the issues—yet you stay together despite the mess. You may think that this is a valiant showing of dedication to love but in reality, you’re wasting your time. It isn’t respectable to dauntlessly put effort into a failing relationship. Do yourself a favor and GTFO.

  1. You’ve both given it the good ole college try. Look, it’s been months or years at this point. You’ve both poured your heart and soul into trying to make the relationship work. Everything possible has been tried, but at the end of the day, you’re still trying to jam a square peg into a round hole. You can leave the relationship knowing that you truly did all you could; it just wasn’t a fit.
  2. Stop settling for “good enough.” Half of the battle here is that you think your relationship is just okay enough to stay in. You feel you don’t deserve more or you worry that you won’t find anyone better. Settling is no good, my friend. You’re missing out on a world of opportunity while stuck in mediocrity and potentially even toxicity. Bite the bullet and step into the unknown. There’s more out there than “good enough.”
  3. Drop the guilt—your partner will be just fine without you. In thinking about a breakup, you despair over whether or not your partner will be okay. You worry that they’ll take a separation harder than you so guilt keeps you anchored to them. Take a deep breath. Know that your partner’s world will keep spinning. They’ll be just fine without you, even if they take the breakup hard at first.
  4. “But I love them” just doesn’t cut it. I know what you’re thinking: “But, I love them. Isn’t love important?” Of course, it’s important, but it’s not enough to keep you in a relationship. You two may always have love for one another, but instead of that love gluing you to unhappiness, how about using it to break free? You love each other, so you should want what’s best for one another—even if that means being apart.
  5. Stop waiting around for a change in your partner that’ll never come. Maybe you know all of this. You’re aware that love isn’t enough, that you shouldn’t settle, and all the other good stuff. Still, the lie you’re telling yourself is another flavor. The tape in your mind says that your partner IS going to change… even though they haven’t thus far. This is a common lie but please don’t fall prey to it. You’re going to be waiting until your entire head is gray.
  6. You’re wrong about thinking this is all you deserve. You’ve spent so much time with this person that you’ve forgotten there’s anyone else out there. The idea that this is all you deserve is an all too familiar thought, but it’s just not the truth. You’re a wonderful person who deserves the world. You totally could go out there and find a better match because you’re worth it. You’ve just got to get out of your current thang!
  7. Fear of being alone shouldn’t keep you stuck in unhappiness. Another lie you may be telling yourself is that you absolutely can’t be alone. You’re terrified of not only being without your partner but also being by your lonesome in the world. This fear is holding you back from any chance at finding someone who’s a better fit. It’s also keeping you stuck in a relationship that just isn’t working. Even if you’re going to be alone for a while, I promise it’ll be worth it and it won’t be as scary as you think it will.
  8. You’re embarrassed for the relationship to fail. There are some worries swirling around in your head about what friends and family will think. After all, you know that your mom just adores your partner. These are valid concerns, but you can’t let other people’s opinions keep you from happiness. It’s not a failure to walk away from a failing relationship, it’s actually a victory. 
  9. Cut your losses and drop thinking you’ve invested too much time to leave. There’s something called the sunk cost fallacy that makes people, especially in your situation, act like fools. It’s this idea that you don’t want to cut your losses and move on. Instead, you keep investing time and energy into a sinking ship. As opposed to continuing to do this, why don’t you cut your losses now? I know it’s hard, but it’s totally worth it and you’ll have net gains in the end. 
  10. The pain of the breakup will be worth being rid of the relationship. All these suggestions make it sound like you can just end the relationship easily and move on. I know it’s not that simple, though. Breakups are incredibly painful and difficult. You do love your partner, it’s just time for the two of you to part. Once you move through the inevitable heartache, you’ll come out the other side seeing how worth it the pain was.
Ginelle has been writing professionally for more than six years and has a bachelor’s degree in digital marketing & design. Her writing has appeared on Birdie, Thought Catalog, Tiny Buddha and more. You can follow her on Instagram @ginelletesta, via her Facebook page, or through her website at