Not Wanting To Catch Feelings & 10 Other BS Dating Trends To Avoid At All Costs

It’s not possible to date these days without wondering WTF is going on. We’ve never behaved worse and we’ve never been more self-aware of that fact. But instead of staying home forever and never meeting anyone, we can get past the horror stories. Here are the modern dating trends that are truly the worst and how to avoid them and find love anyway.

  1. Not going on actual dates A huge dating trend is hanging out on the couch with someone instead of grabbing dinner or drinks—and by hanging out on the couch, well, it’s pretty clear what we mean. Since when did it become totally ridiculous to want to get to know someone in a public setting? We should never fall for this. If we insist on going on real dates, we’re bound to meet guys who are just as excited about getting to know us as we are them. It’s pretty simple: we need a few good old-fashioned dates before we even think about getting more intimate with someone.
  2. Ghosting This is probably the worst thing that has happened to modern dating. We don’t tell people that we don’t want to date them or that we don’t think they’re right for us—why would we do that? We’re just going to ignore their text messages and act like they don’t even exist. While it’s not 100 percent possible to never get ghosted because it’s often out of our control, we can avoid this by being honest with the guys that we date. Maybe some of them will respect us enough to offer us the same in return
  3. All the weird AF forms of ghosting: benching and breadcrumbing Yup, ghosting is so crappy that it comes in many forms. Lucky us. Besides getting ignored, we also get benched (guys keep us on the backburner and then come crawling back) and breadcrumbed (guys like our social media posts and randomly text us, keeping us interested, but refuse to really date us). The best way to avoid this? Walking away at the first sign that something sketchy is going on and refusing to sit around and let guys treat us like this.
  4. Being unable to express our feelings Why is it so hard to tell someone that we like them? Many of us think it’s the stupidest idea in the world and we refuse to do it. We should never be cool with dating a guy who can’t even say that he likes spending time with us. If we like a guy, we should tell him, and if he can’t say it back, we have to find someone else.
  5. Hating the idea of commitment We don’t fall in love, we like people and then freak out when things get real. We don’t have relationships, we have almost relationships. Yeah, it’s as horrible as it sounds. The only way to deal with this is to insist on being treated with the respect that we deserve. When we can tell that a guy isn’t treating us well or doesn’t see us as girlfriend material for whatever reason, we need to accept it and move on.
  6. Phubbing We’re so attached to our phones, we can’t stop texting and scrolling even when we’re in the company of our partners. It’s super lame. We should never pay more attention to our phones than the person that we’re supposedly dating. This one at least has an easy fix: we need to put our phones away and to speak up if our partners don’t do the same. It might sound strange to dump someone for being on their phone too much but it’s actually a big problem.
  7. Not wanting to catch feelings This is a huge thing in modern dating. No one wants to “catch feelings” aka admit that they like someone. Weird, right? What’s so bad about having a thing for someone? Isn’t that what we’re all looking for? Communication is for sure the best way to combat this. As long as we talk to the people we’re dating about how we feel and get on the same page, we can tell if they feel the same way or if they’re not interested.
  8. Dating or hooking up based on the season Oh yes, this is actually a thing. It shouldn’t be and it makes zero sense but it is. Some people want a relationship in the winter and fall months aka “cuffing season.” Of course, if someone isn’t actually ready for that kind of intimacy then obviously once it’s spring or summer, they’re just going to dump the person they’ve been with. We can definitely see the signs and red flags and get out before getting too close to someone who clearly isn’t truly into us. This is one of those times when dating is like being a detective or something.
  9. Always thinking that someone better is going to come along This is depressing AF. It’s typically more of a male thing but we definitely do this as women too. This is all thanks to online dating and the supposed sea of options. If we know that the guy that we’re seeing is a serial dater or wants to hook up with tons of different girls, we owe it to ourselves to tell him, “Thanks but no thanks.” We shouldn’t waste our time on someone like this.
  10. Calling women clingy. If we like a guy, we’re clingy and annoying and we need to be stopped. The way to avoid being called clingy isn’t waiting for guys to text us first or holding back so we don’t seem too eager. Nope. There’s no reason to play games. Let’s agree to go all in with the guys who are truly worth it and not be afraid of the whole clingy label. The right guy will want to see us all the time and would never even think of calling us that silly word.
Aya Tsintziras is a freelance lifestyle writer and editor from Toronto, Canada. In addition to writing about dating and relationships for Bolde, she also writes about movies, TV, and video games for ScreenRant and GameRant. She has a Political Science degree from the University of Toronto and a Masters of Journalism from Ryerson University. You can find her on Twitter @ayatsintziras and on Instagram @aya.tsintziras.