Not Wanting To Sleep With You Right Away Doesn’t Make Me A Prude

Not Wanting To Sleep With You Right Away Doesn’t Make Me A Prude ©iStock/PHDG

If I sleep with someone right away, I’m promiscuous. If I choose to wait to have sex, I’m a prude or a tease. It seems like women can’t win… but screw that. My body is just that – mine — and just because I usually prefer to wait to have sex with someone doesn’t make me a prude.

  1. Sex means something to me. The number of people I’ve slept with doesn’t matter. Sex is always meaningful to me. Whether it’s a quickie in a bathroom with a hot stranger or a four-hour romantic sex-a-thon with my S.O., it’s an intimate, physical act that shall remain in my memories forever. If I’m giving you a prime space in my brain, I need to make sure you’re worthy.
  2. I can’t separate sex from emotions. I’ve tried, and I’m just not one of those people. My emotions are directly connected to how I feel things physically. It’s not like I’m going to fall in love with you just because we hooked up (calm that ego, dude), but sex with zero feels is not possible. If you seem like a guy who will just use my body as a vessel to expend some sexual energy, then move along.
  3. I’m not sure how I feel about you yet. If you’re giving me mixed signals or I’m still trying to figure you out then I’m not going to sleep with you just yet. That doesn’t mean I’ll hold out until you put a ring on it; it just means that I want to be sure you’re trustworthy enough to have this sacred part of me.
  4. I want my body to be worshipped. If you’re a self-absorbed narcissist, I have no doubt you’ll have sex like one. My pleasure is important, and I refuse to waste time having sex with someone who will only focus on their needs.
  5. I deserve more than some BS label. How dare you reduce all that I am to some arbitrary sexual label that isn’t even accurate. A prude is someone who is squeamish about all things sex and won’t do anything sexual. There is an enormous amount of middle ground between not liking anything sex-related and not feeling ready to have sex. So if you see me as this one thing, then a) you’re blind, b) you don’t deserve me and c) you’re an a-hole. GTFO.
  6. If you cared about me, you’d be patient. When you disregard my feelings, you’re basically telling me that you have zero respect for me. If you cared at all, you’d understand what sex means to me and you’d be more than willing to wait a bit until I’m comfortable.
  7. My body, my choice. When it comes down to it, how you see me – prude, promiscuous, whatever – doesn’t matter. This is my body. I will do with it what I choose, when I choose. My body is beautiful, sex with me is spectacular and if you’re not willing to wait for me, then you will be the one missing out — not me.
is a freelance writer for Bustle and Petcha, and editor for Wise Bread. She suffers from separation anxiety, and can't bear to be away from her dog for more than 20 minutes. Her dog doesn't seem to care either way. Sweater season is her favorite season.