I’m Not Your Ex — If You Want To Be With Me, I Need A Clean Slate

After you get out of a bad relationship, it’s easy to project your ex’s faults onto the new people you date. The problem, of course, is that your current partner is usually nothing like the person who hurt you so badly. Before you sabotage our awesome relationship by treating it like your former relationship, please remember these important facts:

  1. We’re completely different people. The fact that you can look at me and see her is evidence that your insecurities are coming out. It’s clear that you have some lingering issues from your last relationship, but that doesn’t mean that you can make me jump through hoops just to see if I’m worth it.
  2. I’ll work with you, not for you. We all have our own baggage, and because I have real feelings for you, I’ll help you through yours as long as you’ll pay me the same respect. What I won’t do is struggle for your love as if you’re a prize I’m trying to win. You’re great, but so am I, and we both deserve a real relationship.
  3. I’ve been hurt, too. I know just how hard it is to trust another person, but I also know that it’s not impossible. I can see that just because my ex couldn’t be trusted doesn’t mean that you can’t, but when you make me feel as if your jerk ex and I are lumped in the same category, it hurts my feelings.
  4. I can’t fix you. The only thing I can do is be someone who proves that people who truly care about you will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. I can’t make the pain go away or get rid of the memories, though, so keep your expectations realistic.
  5. If you let her control how you see me, you’re still hers. I’ve moved on from my last relationship and am finally able to give a good guy a chance. But if you let what she did to you dictate how you make your decisions when it comes to love, she wins.
  6. Not all women are the same. Neither are all men. It’s not fair to assume that all women are just like your ex just because you gave her your everything and she let you down.. We’re not all bad, and we’re not all the types who let our own issues break someone else’s heart.
  7. You need to have more faith in yourself. You’re an amazing guy, and letting her take away any self-confidence you have is beneath you. You’re worth love and loyalty, and believing that I’m capable of doing what she did is just wrong. Not everyone is going to hurt you, and those who do are only proving faults in themselves, not you.
  8. I’m loyal AF. It’s easy for a person to say they’re faithful without actually proving it, but you’re not even giving me the chance. If I’m guilty until proven innocent, it makes me not even want to bother dating you. I know how important and fragile trust is in a relationship because I’ve trusted the wrong guys on more than one occasion. Trust me: I don’t mess around when it comes to loyalty.
  9. I know how it feels to be in your shoes. You were the first guy that I even considered letting into my heart again because of how badly my last relationship hurt me. It took me a long time to get to a point where I could look at a guy and not see my ex. I’ve been there and moved on, and I would hope that the guy I’m falling in love with has done the same.
  10. It’s just plain not fair. She’s not around anymore, so I shouldn’t have to take the brunt of whatever pain she caused you. If you want to have something with me, it has to be a fresh start. Although I care about you more than I’ve cared about anyone in a long time, I don’t have the energy to clean up someone else’s mess.
Angelica Bottaro has a bachelor’s degree in Psychology from Trent University and an Advanced Diploma in Journalism from Centennial College. She began her career as a freelance writer in 2014, racking up bylines in The Good Men Project, MakeWell, LymeTime, YouQueen, and more. She eventually shifted her focus and began writing about mental health, nutrition, and chronic disease for VeryWell Health.

You can follow her on Facebook or check out her website at AngelicaBottaro.ca. She also posts on Instagram @a.ct._b and Twitter @angiiebee.