There’s Nothing Casual About The Way I Date—Love Is Serious

Modern dating is all about keeping things casual but I refuse to accept that. When it comes to love, I can’t be anything but serious—and I expect the guys I date to have the same attitude.

  1. I don’t date more than one person at a time. I like to give all my attention to just one guy. How am I supposed to figure out if I really like him if I’m not giving him a real chance? He deserves to be the only man in my life just like I deserve to be the only girl in his. I date exclusively from day one because if one guy can’t hold my full attention, I already know he’s not right for me.
  2. I expect the guy I’m dating to make time for me. I’m not going to beg for a guy’s attention. If he really likes me then he’ll actually want to spend time with me. He’ll actually be happy to see a text from me and reply when he has the chance. We all have busy lives but we make time for the people who matter to us. If that’s a problem for him, he’s clearly not that interested.
  3. I don’t have sex if I’m not in love. I take things slow. I want to actually get to know a guy before jumping into bed with him. Sex has never been something I take lightly. I don’t want a long list of former random sexual partners, I want men I actually loved. I don’t want to move further physically with a guy than I have emotionally with him. Sex intensifies everything for me and that’s exactly why I wait until I’m in love.
  4. I expect to be a priority in a guy’s life. I’m not going to be made to feel like a burden in a guy’s life. If he wants me there, then he’ll make a real effort to show me that. I want to feel important and appreciated, not neglected. I’m not asking for everything to be all about me because he needs his own life just like I have mine. I just want to feel like I’m a priority instead of feeling like I’m utterly replaceable.
  5. I don’t waste my time if I don’t feel a spark. I don’t think I need to “learn to love” someone. I either feel something or I don’t and all I know is that love can’t be forced. My attraction to a guy should come naturally. We either click or we don’t. I need a guy who makes me laugh, gives me butterflies, and who I’m actually excited to see. I want love but I also want to find “The One,” not just someone.
  6. I expect a guy to take me just as seriously. Relationships are a two-way street. I’ll make a real effort in a relationship, but only if he’s willing to give me an equal effort in return. I don’t want to be fighting for someone who isn’t fighting for me. I don’t want to be falling in love while he thinks we’re just hanging out. I want someone who’s serious about me or I can’t be in any sort of a relationship with him.
  7. I don’t date guys I don’t see a future with. I’m not interested in just having fun and loving the one I’m with. I don’t want to waste time falling for the wrong guy. I’ve been there and done that and as fun as it was, it didn’t ease the heartbreak. So if I’m not compatible with a guy, if what he expects out of life doesn’t align with my own wants and needs, then I’m not sticking around for something temporary.
  8. I expect a guy to be able to tell (and show) me how he feels. A man who can’t express his feelings for a woman is not a guy for me. I want to be with someone who makes me feel safe and secure in our relationship, not like any day could be our last. I don’t want the anxiety of wondering about how he really feels. If he really likes me then he should be able to tell me that and treat me like he actually wants to be with me. It’s really not that hard.
  9. I don’t follow dating “rules.” I follow my own rules because at the end of the day, I want a guy to fall in love with the real me so I’m going to be myself and wear my heart on my sleeve. That might scare some men off, but then they’re the type I wouldn’t want to be with anyway. It’s their loss and I have the confidence to know that.
  10. I need a mature relationship. Guys with commitment issues can be on their way. I’m not looking for a hookup. I don’t want to be friends with benefits. I’ll tell a guy flat out that I’m a relationship girl so if he doesn’t want the same things I do, he can hit the bricks. I don’t see a point in dating just to date. I want a mature adult relationship, and if a guy can’t deal with that then he probably shouldn’t be dating in the first place.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.