I Have Nothing To Hide, But That Doesn’t Mean You Can Look Through My Phone

I get a lot of flack from my girlfriends when I tell them I never let my boyfriend look at my phone. I think it’s totally normal, but they seem to think it’s a sign of an unstable relationship. Here’s why they’re wrong:

  1. It’s a “me” thing. We haven’t been dating for that long and even if we had been, I still don’t think I would take the password off of my phone. It’s not that I don’t trust him specifically. I wouldn’t let my mom, dad, or even my BFF look through my phone either. It’s just the way I am; it’s nothing against him.
  2. I believe there should be boundaries in relationships. Once we know everything about each other, the magic always goes away. I want to hang on to the mystery for, well, forever and I don’t think there’s anything weird or wrong about that.
  3. I have some weird — and I mean do really weird — totally on there. You wouldn’t believe the things I Google, and some of the things I look up are things that I’m not ready to tell him about. He’d probably be very curious to know why I Googled “why does sex hurt sometimes” but I don’t want him to know about that — at least not right now.
  4. I don’t want him to confuse my guy friends with dudes trying to get with me. I have a lot of guy friends that I message on the regular, while some I talk to occasionally just to keep in touch. I’m sure my boyfriend would wonder why the hell I’m messaging a guy he’s never heard of before. I mean, I’d get paranoid AF if I saw that he was messaging a random girl, so I definitely know why he would get weird about it — but hey, I can avoid all this if I just don’t let him see it in the first place, right?
  5. I don’t want him to worry over nothing. Some of the stuff on my phone could be interpreted as “cheating behavior” even though it isn’t. I like to research love and sex topics because I’m interested in it and it’s also usually what most of my writing is about. It’s definitely not because I’m planning on doing these things with someone else. The thing is, I just know that when my boyfriend sees that I’m looking up “flirting techniques,” he’ll probably get worried about it for no good reason. I’d rather just keep those things private as to not start a fight over something silly.
  6. Sometimes I talk about him to my friends and I don’t want him to get his feelings hurt. The odd time, I’ll kinda make fun of him in a light-hearted way when I text my friends. It’s nothing that really bothers me, just things like, “He shaved his beard and I don’t like it, but he still looks cute.” If he read that, he wouldn’t see the “he still looks cute” part, he would zone in on the negative and then accuse me of lying to him. I don’t need that kind of drama in my life, especially since it would be about something so trivial.
  7. He shouldn’t even feel the need to look at it. Why would he feel the need to look at my phone anyway? Even if I did let him look through it, he shouldn’t have asked in the first place because that would mean that he doesn’t really trust me, right? I know it would be tempting to just “see” what’s in there, but anytime someone snoops around on someone else’s phone, they’re always expecting to find some dirt on them and that’s super shady.
  8. I value my privacy. I don’t get it when people accuse me of being untrustworthy and paranoid when it comes to my phone life. I believe that at the end of the day, I’m an individual and like to keep certain aspects of my life separate from the life I have with my partner as such. Doesn’t mean I don’t trust him, it’s just important for me to have my own space.
  9. Guys from my past will text me out of nowhere. This is the main reason why I don’t let my boyfriend look at my phone and I know there are tons of other girls out there who will back me up. My exes will randomly text me or message me on Facebook just to say hi or maybe see if I’m available to go out, hook up or hang out. Of course I say no, but what if they text me while the BF is holding the phone? He would freak. It’s just not worth the risk for me.
  10. I’m afraid he’ll judge me. I know I shouldn’t feel this way because it’s my god damn boyfriend, right? He’s supposed to accept me no matter what, but for some reason, I haven’t wrapped my head around that and still am afraid that he’ll think I’m weird for taking pictures of myself or writing down my greatest fears in my notes app. Maybe someday I’ll realize that I have nothing to be afraid of, but for now, my ego can’t handle that potential embarrassment.
Jennifer is a playwright, dancer, and theatre nerd living in the big city of Toronto, Canada. She studied Creative Writing at Concordia University and works as a lifestyle writer who focuses on Health, B2B, Tech, Psychology, Science, Food Trends and Millennial Life. She's also a coreographer, playwright, and lyricist, with choreography credits for McMaster University’s “Spring Awakening,” “Roxanne” for the Guelph Contemporary Dance Festival, and “The Beaver Den” for The LOT, among others.

You can see more of her work on her Contently page and follow her on Instagram @jenniferenchin.