Obsessed With Your BFF? 19 Signs You’re In A Codependent Friendship

Obsessed With Your BFF? 19 Signs You’re In A Codependent Friendship iStock

While codependency is often thought of as something specific to romantic relationships, it can happen with your BFF, too. In fact, you might be experiencing this dynamic at this very moment and not even know it — they’re that all-consuming sometimes. It isn’t even something you’re aware of until someone sits you down and forces you to see the light. So, how do you know when you’re in a codependent friendship?

  1. You know where she is at all times. You can easily, without missing a beat, list everything your friend is doing from the very second they left work. You even know what they’ll be having for dinner because you two consulted about it earlier in the day.
  2. You can’t make decisions without her. Whether it’s buying a dress or the person you should date, you’re just completely incapable of making a move without her input. It’s like you’ve forgotten how to trust your gut and use her to act as your conscience and sense of judgment.
  3. You’re emotionally invested… to a fault. It’s one thing to care and even care deeply, but it’s another thing when your emotional status is dependent upon your friend’s emotional status. Newsflash: You are not Elliot and they are not E.T.
  4. You are each other’s number one priority. You not only put her before all your other friends, but you also put her above you and your own needs. Basically, you’d willingly give her the last slice of pizza even if you were starving.
  5. You spend your moments apart obsessing about what she’s doing. Even though you know what she’s doing and vice versa, it still doesn’t stop you from obsessing. Is she thinking about me right now, too?
  6. You get jealous of other friends. If she goes out with a coworker or, god forbid, a new friend, you feel like you need to tell this person to back off. Your friend is spoken for and you don’t share well with others… like, ever.
  7. You can’t think of a future without her. While you may be able to see yourself married with two kids someday, your friend is always there, too. You know, right in the house next door.
  8. You’re basically identical at this point. It’s as if you fear rejection if you’re not identical in every way. So, you just amend who you are and what you think for her approval.
  9. You don’t have a social circle. I mean, you used to, but not so much anymore. You’ve convinced your codependent friendship is all you need.
  10. Your day is made when you help her. Your life is given a deeper purpose just because you were able to solve the great mystery of whether or not your friend looks better in blue than green. It’s great to make the lives of the people you love a better place, but you’re not responsible for anyone else’s happiness.
  11. You’re prone to destructive behavior together. You two give new meaning to the term “partners in crime,” because when you do bad things together, it just feels right.
  12. Boundaries don’t exist. Every relationship should have some sort of boundaries, but if you’re in a codependent friendship, you’re likely to tilt your head to the side and say, “Boundaries? What boundaries?” There’s nothing you don’t share, nothing you won’t do for each other.
  13. You’re in a world of your own together. It’s not just about not having other friends, but being so consumed in each other’s lives that where one individual stops and the other starts is impossible to recognize.
  14. You have a higher than normal opinion of each other. You’re totally convinced that neither one of you can do any wrong. In fact, you know you’re both superior to everyone else in the world.
  15. You’re constantly in contact. Nonstop. You’d text each other in your sleep if you could. If there comes a time when you can’t reach out for whatever reason — you have no phone service, you’re in a work meeting where phones aren’t allowed, etc. — it fills you with anxiety and dread. What might be you missing? Yep, you’re in a codependent friendship.
  16. You never, ever get sick of each other. Tiring of each other is completely impossible – so much so that when people ask you if you ever get sick of each other, you’re baffled why someone would suggest something so nuts.
  17. You stress out about something bad happening to her. It’s not just that it would hurt to lose her, but the idea of living without her gives you a panic attack. You just couldn’t do it.
  18. You seriously wonder how you existed before her. That is, if you allow yourself to go to that dark place of life before her.
  19. You’ve seen “Heavenly Creatures” and said, “OMG, that’s us!” Starring Kate Winslet and Melanie Lynskey, “Heavenly Creatures” is based on the true story of two best friends who plot and murder the mother of one of them for trying to keep them apart. Peter Jackson directs it, so you know it’s pretty good.
Amanda Chatel is a sexual health, mental health, and wellness journalist with more than a decade of experience. Her work has been featured in Shape, Glamour, SELF, Harper's Bazaar, The Atlantic, Forbes, Elle, Mic, Men's Health and Bustle, where she was a lifestyle writer for seven years. In 2019, The League included Amanda in their "15 Inspirational Feminists Every Single Person Should Follow on Twitter" list.

Amanda has a bachelor's degree in English and master's degree in Creative Writing from the University of New Hampshire. She divides her time between NYC, Paris, and Barcelona.

You can follow her on Instagram @la_chatel or on Twitter @angrychatel.