I Officially Can’t Deal With One More Dude Who’s Terrified Of Commitment

Commitment-phobes have scarred me for life. Seriously, I’m so sick of dating a guy only to find out weeks or months later that he’s afraid to actually make the relationship official, just in case it deprives him of some invisible better options out there. If I have to date one more guy like this, I may just give up on love for good.

  1. It’s a totally BS excuse. I think when people say they’re afraid to commit, they’re really just using it as an excuse to get out of the relationship without feeling like the bad guy. I’m so sick of being on the receiving end of excuses like, “I’m not really looking for anything serious right now.” Oh, please. I’m not asking him to marry me, I’m asking him to act like a decent guy. What’s so hard about that?
  2. I don’t want to feel insecure anymore. The worst thing about dating a commitment-phobe is that they make me feel insecure. I feel like I’m walking on ground that could explode at any second, completely smashing our relationship into millions of pieces. I hate that feeling. I deserve to feel comfortable and safe with the guy I’m seeing, not like I’m walking on eggshells because I don’t know where I stand with him.
  3. I’m done trying to change guys. When a guy would tell me he’s a commitment-phobe, if I really liked him, I’d think maybe — just maybe — he would change his mind after dating me. What a load of crap! It never worked out because the guys were never just going to switch into committed, wonderful boyfriends. I was always the one who tried too hard and got nothing in return.
  4. I’ve had enough of being ghosted. I’ve been ghosted quite a few times, and I’ve realized it was mainly from guys who had commitment issues. They’d be such cowards, totally dissing me without a reason and making me feel like I’d done something wrong. It’s really not that hard to say, “Sorry, but I’m not interested.”
  5. I don’t want a lazy boyfriend. Sometimes commitment-phobes are really just lazy guys who don’t want to do much to keep a relationship going. I’m so done with that! I want a guy who’ll meet me halfway and put in the work because that’s what I would do. God, is that so much to ask?
  6. I don’t have time to waste. I don’t want to sound dramatic or anything, but I’m in my thirties. I don’t want to be wasting any more time on the wrong guys. I’ve invested so much time in guys with issues in the past that I feel like if I do that again, I’m going to end up being old, bitter, and alone. Screw that.
  7. I’ve worked on my own commitment issues. I know what it’s like to fear commitment —I’ve been there, but I got my act together and I realized that much worse than fearing commitment is missing out on the chance of a great love. It would just set me back to deal with a commitment-phobe who hasn’t had that realization.
  8. I don’t want emotional distance. There’s nothing worse than feeling like you can’t get too close to a guy because he’s a commitment-phobe. I’ve been that GF, trying to bridge the emotional gap, wishing the guy I was dating would be more affectionate and romantic or even just be able to express his feelings. It sucks to feel like I have to force the relationship. I want something that flows.
  9. I don’t want to play stupid games. Playing hard-to-get and giving mixed messages are the hallmarks of commitment-phobes. It’s such crap having to deal with that. If I wanted to spend hours trying to figure something out, I’d buy a 1,000-piece puzzle, okay?
  10. I want someone in tune with his emotions. I am someone who prizes emotional connection — it’s really the most important thing I look for in a relationship. I don’t want to deal with a guy who can’t commit, because that also means he won’t be in tune with his emotions or be able to express love. Screw that. I need a guy who’s mature and has emotional intelligence. I won’t take anything less than a grown man.
  11. I want attention. I’m not clingy in relationships, but I want a guy who will pay attention to me. Commitment-phobes are all about themselves. They don’t get close to their partners because that would ruin their emotional distance game. I don’t want to feel invisible in a relationship or have to deal with a selfish boyfriend.
  12. I need to be myself. I want to feel comfortable in a relationship. I want to feel like I can be myself, with my thoughts, opinions, and expressions without worrying that the guy I’m dating is going to make a run for it if I get too emotionally heavy on him. .
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.