Opinion: It’s OK To Dump A Guy Because He’s Bad In Bed

Regular sex is supposed to be one of the best parts of being in a relationship. So, what happens if you’re with a guy who doesn’t know what he’s doing and seems incapable of learning? You could accept a life without orgasms (except for the ones you give yourself when he’s not home), or you could dump him immediately. Trust me, you aren’t a bad person for cutting your losses, so don’t even worry about it.

  1. You’re allowed to expect good sex. There’s something to be said for giving a guy a few chances to get it right. Sex with a new person is rarely mind-blowing the first time. With that being said, if you’ve done everything you can to steer him in the right direction and he’s still not doing it for you, no one would blame you for losing interest.
  2. A guy wouldn’t hesitate to dump a girl for the same reason. If a guy truly wasn’t enjoying sex with a particular girl, do you think he’d continue to booty call her and/or pursue a relationship with her? Hell no! You may think that, to guys, any sex is good sex, but that’s really just a lie girls who are lazy in bed tell themselves.
  3. Sexual compatibility is a thing. Sometimes it’s not that either one of you is necessarily bad in bed, it’s just that you’re incompatible. For example, if you both tend to be more on the submissive side, you might run into some problems, and that’s no one’s fault. But it’s also not likely to change.
  4. If he hasn’t picked up a few skills by now, what’s he been doing? Provided he isn’t a virgin, he must have had the opportunity to practice a few things before he met you. So either every girl he’s been with has been faking it, or he just doesn’t care.
  5. Bigger isn’t always better. Ever notice that some guys who are larger than average, don’t seem to know where the clitoris is? For some reason they think since they were blessed with a huge penis, that all they have to do is show up. Not the case. Most girls would take an average sized guy who knows what he’s doing over a huge guy who has no concept of how to make a woman get off, any day.
  6. If he doesn’t care to learn, there’s nothing you can do. Some guys are just selfish in bed, and that’s the end of it. If he doesn’t welcome tips and suggestions about how to make you cum, then he clearly doesn’t care if you do or not. He doesn’t deserve to have sex with anyone ever again.
  7. If you aren’t satisfied in bed, it might cause resentment. You might think a certain guy is worth pretending sex isn’t that important to you, because sex isn’t everything, right? That’s true, but chances are your sex drive isn’t going to be brushed under the rug that easily. She’s going to get hungry, and you’ll end up resenting the person that is holding you back from feeding her.
  8. Some things can’t be taught. Yes, you can give teaching him exactly what you like your best shot. But if you prefer a guy who’s bigger, and he’s not, there’s nothing he can do about that. Also, when it comes to chemistry, you two either have it or you don’t. You decide whether that matters or not.
  9. Life is too short for bad sex. Between your career, your friends and family, and just living your best life, there isn’t a lot of time left for sex. But you’ll make time for it if it’s too good to pass up, right? If the thought of sleeping with him doesn’t get you excited, what’s the point? There’s plenty of other things you could be doing other than faking yet another orgasm.
  10. 10. Only you can decide how important sex is to you in a relationship. Everyone has a different tolerance level when it comes to… a lack of connection in the sack. If you don’t feel like teaching this guy everything he needs to know, you don’t have to. Hopefully, for his sake, the next girl he meets has the patience you didn’t.
By day, Courtney is a digital marketing copywriter living in Toronto, Canada. By night, she's a freelance lifestyle writer who, in addition to Bolde.com, contributes regularly to AmongMen.ca, IN Magazine, and SheBlogs Canada. Want to chat about relationships, Stephen King or your favorite true crime podcast/documentary/book? She's on Twitter @courtooo.