When Is It Okay To Give Your Ex Another Chance?

We’ve all had breakups where the decision was an easy one. A mutual break up is always ideal, but unfortunately it doesn’t always work that way. Sometimes ending things seems necessary, but after a little time passes, you think maybe you made a mistake. We all know the saying, “Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.” It may be a risk, but that doesn’t mean it won’t be worthwhile. While there are times you should forget about him and move on, there are others where giving him a second chance might not be such a bad idea. Here’s how to tell if giving it another go is the right choice.

  1. You still love him. Of course, it takes time to get over someone you once loved, but if you’ve genuinely tried moving on and you still feel like you had something with him that you’ll never find anywhere else, maybe it’s worth trying to save.
  2. He’s making a real effort. He’s not sending halfhearted “hey” texts at 1am, he’s actually putting in the work to show you he wants to be with you. He asks you out on dates, he spends hours just chatting with you, and he keeps reminding you how happy you were at one point.
  3. He’s suffered enough. He’s been trying to get you back for a while now, and you’ve rejected him over and over. You can tell the breakup has been hard on him, and to be perfectly honest, you’re starting to warm up to him again. If you’re beginning to come around, let him know, so you can start working on things together.
  4. He’s willing to earn back your trust. He knows he screwed up and it’s not going to be easy to get back to the way things were. If you’re honest with him about why you’re hesitant to let him back in and he’s willing to take things slow, that’s a good sign.
  5. Your communication is finally on point. Whatever the reason was for breaking up in the first place, it’s not like a reconciliation will automatically wipe the slate clean. You can’t read each others minds, so you’ll have to learn to talk about your problems openly and work through them together.
  6. Your friends and family think he’s genuine. Sometimes when you’re really torn, getting an outside opinion (or a few) is a good idea. If he was the kind of guy that got along well with your family and friends and they think he’s worth the effort, that will make your decision a little bit easier.
  7. You’ve addressed your part in the falling out. Rarely are breakups all on one person. In order for the two of you to really have a chance at making things work, you have to take a look at the things you can improve, too.
  8. He isn’t on his third, fourth, fifth chance already. If you’ve already been through this multiple times, and it’s always the same thing over and over, then maybe it’s time to cut your losses and move on. For real this time.
  9. You’re both willing to put in the work. If you both want to be together, and are willing to make whatever compromises you need to, then you might have a chance at getting through this. Every couple has ups and downs, it’s how you deal with them that will define your relationship.
  10. You believe you can forgive him. If you know in the back of your mind you’ll never be able to forgive him no matter how bad you want to, there’s no point in pretending. First and foremost, you have to be honest with yourself, because you’re the only one that truly knows what you’re capable of.
By day, Courtney is a digital marketing copywriter living in Toronto, Canada. By night, she's a freelance lifestyle writer who, in addition to Bolde.com, contributes regularly to AmongMen.ca, IN Magazine, and SheBlogs Canada. Want to chat about relationships, Stephen King or your favorite true crime podcast/documentary/book? She's on Twitter @courtooo.