The Older I Get, The Less I Feel Like I Need A Guy

I’ve always been a relationship girl and I’ve always been attached to some guy or another. Because of my string of boyfriends, I never had much time to myself or to learn who I was. Now, as I’ve gotten older and wiser, I’ve realized that even though I still love being in a relationship, I don’t actually need to be in one to feel happy, successful, and loved.

  1. My friendships are so much stronger. When I was young and dumb, I spent all of my time with my boyfriend du jour. In high school, I had my guidance counselor rearrange my whole schedule so I could have six classes with my boyfriend instead of the original two. I picked a college to be with my S.O. and I chose a dorm room close to his. I bounced from guy to guy and called it love, and in the meantime, my friendships suffered. It was horrible, and as I get older and look back, I realize how crappy I behaved towards the people who actually cared about me. These days, my girls come first.
  2. I like spending time alone. When I was younger, I would push myself to always be part of the action. If the person I was dating wanted to go out or just wanted me to come over, I’d throw everything else aside to do it. It got to the point that it was taking a toll on my mental health.  Now, I’ve had time to learn who I am and what I need. I’m able to turn down a date or plans without feeling guilty, and I know that I’ll be happier being alone than doing something I don’t want to do.
  3. Family is more important to me now. The number of times I blew off my family for guys when I was younger still blows my mind. I took my parents for granted and let precious moments pass me by. I’d spend more time at my boyfriend’s dinner table than my parents’ and I’d miss important holidays and events to spend them with people who eventually broke my heart. Now, I know that no matter what, family is what matters. I have the knowledge and courage to put off everything else for the people who gave me everything.
  4. I make time to practice my passions and discover new ones. Now that I’m a real adult with a real job, finding time for the things I love is no easy feat. There’s only so much free time to spend at the dance studio once a week or to learn a new craft. Now that I have less time, I want to make the most of all of it. When I was younger and had a boyfriend, I’d blow off expensive dance classes and private lessons to ride around in his car. Now that I pay for my hobbies and have less time to do them, I feel lucky to practice what I love.
  5. Some of the relationship excitement has worn off. Remember the days when you could sit on the couch and make out for hours? Every little thing you did was exciting and you felt the need to spend every waking moment with the person who made you feel so good. As adults, most of us have had our fair share of relationships. We had the high school sweetheart, the serious college boyfriend, and plenty of flings in between. After so much stress about whether he’ll call or what each touch means, some of the novelty has worn off. Being in love is still great, but there’s a reason your first love is so special.
  6. I realize I don’t need someone to take care of my financially. Growing up, I never imagined I would be able to support myself. That sounds crazy, I know, but coming from a home where my father worked and my mother didn’t, I just assumed I’d be a stay-at-home mom. While that actually sounds pretty great, the reality is that I like taking care of myself. I love the fact that I can buy what I want thanks to the hard work I put in.
  7. I don’t even need someone to take of me sexually. While I love being with a partner and enjoy everything that I get from that experience besides just orgasms (companionship and intimacy, for example), I realize that I don’t constantly need that. I know what my body likes and how to get myself there, which in turn helps me direct anyone who I choose to share my bed with.
  8. My confidence is a result of my own accomplishments. There’s something wonderful about standing next to your partner when he/she accomplishes something really special. There’s something even more wonderful, however, when you get to stand tall and feel proud of your own accomplishments. I used to spend all of my time helping my significant others reach their dreams. Then one day, I realized that it was time I started living my dreams. Now, whether I have someone by my side or not, my confidence stems not from having a great boyfriend or husband, but for being a great person.
  9. I know I can rely on myself for anything. At the end of it all, I love having someone to fall asleep next to, support me when I need strength, and cheer me on when I succeed. I love being in love and I love sharing life with someone. I’m even in a relationship now but I know that may not last forever. No matter what happens, I know that I’ll be okay. As long as I’ve got myself, I’m all I actually need. Everything else is just a wonderful bonus.
Rachel is a writer and professional social media stalker living in Austin, Texas. She spends her free time watching her brother's best friend's sister's cousin's Netflix and eating buffalo chicken dip. If she's not rewatching "Gossip Girl" she's probably crying about the Hogwarts letter she never received over a box of alcoholic Butterbeer.
close-link
close-link
close-link
close-link