The Older I Get, The Longer I Wait To Put Out — And That’s A Good Thing

When I was 21, I never thought twice about sleeping with a guy. No matter who it was or how I felt about him, I figured, “Hey, what could go wrong?” However, now that I’m 27, sex has taken on a whole new meaning and is not something I give away easily.

  1. I never regret having sex anymore. Back in my early 20s, sex often ended in tears and regret. Taking the walk of shame was normal for me, but now that I’m nearing 30, I always feel good about my decision. The difference is, now wait until I’m ready. Who knew that all of that shame and regret could have been avoided if I only put my needs and desires first? You live and learn, I guess.
  2. I have sex for the right reasons. I don’t do it to impress a guy or to show him that I’m a “cool girl” who’s easy to be with. I have sex because I want to. Whenever I “gave in” in the past, I always felt like crap afterward. Life experience has taught me that no guy will ever be worth putting out before I’m ready and now I live by that rule.
  3. I know how to pleasure myself so I’m rarely ever “begging for it.” After all of that experimentation I did in my early 20s, I now know EXACTLY what gets me off and can probably finish the job in five minutes or less, thank you very much. Since I’ve become so good at self-pleasure, I’m not craving sex in the way that I used to. I want sex for the connection more than the pleasure because let’s face it — you can’t always depend on a guy to get you off the way you like it.
  4. There’s no guarantee that he’ll like me more for it anyway. I’ve stopped using sex as a way to get close to a guy because I’ve learned that it doesn’t always work. In fact, sometimes it even makes them like me even less. Knowing this, I’ve made a promise to myself to only have sex when it’s a natural step in our relationship and not as a way for me to manipulate a guy.
  5. I prefer quality over quantity. After I had sex for the first time, I thought it was something that everyone was doing EVERY WAKING HOUR OF THE DAY. I thought it was normal to put out right away — I didn’t know any better! I was so easily influenced into sleeping with guys who later on wanted nothing to do with me, and that hurt. Nowadays, if I can find just one solid guy who I think deserves it, yeah — I’ll put out.
  6. Guys won’t admit it, but they like it when you make them wait. I never knew this when I was younger, but guys secretly don’t like it when girls put out too early. I know it goes against everything we’ve been taught to be true about men, but I’ve asked my guy friends and all of them say that they lose a bit of attraction to a girl once they’ve had sex with her. This isn’t the main reason why I don’t put out too soon, but it’s always in the back of my mind.
  7. I know what kind of guy I want, and if he’s not it, I’m not sleeping with him. I’ve become a lot pickier than I used to be when it comes to who I will and won’t sleep with. I also don’t care about looks as much as I used to. When I was 21, I slept with a guy because he looked like a young Matthew Broderick. Lo and behold, he ended up being a jerk. I learned to never judge a man by his appearance — it’s all about what’s on the inside. To find out if a guy I’m seeing is worthy of sex, I need to take some time to get to know him.
  8. I’m immune to the “tricks”. All of those pick-up tricks guys use to get girls into their bed just deflect right off of me. Don’t get me wrong, I fell for the BS lines in the past. I got all the tricks played on me so they don’t work anymore. I guess he’s just gonna have to wait.
  9. I now feel like I’m worth waiting for. A big reason that I used to jump right into sex is that I didn’t think any guy would stick around long enough to wait until I was ready. I’ve now realized that I’m worth more than that, but I couldn’t have gotten to this level of thinking without making a ton of mistakes in my early years.
  10. Sex means more to me now. I’ve had sex with all kinds of different people and what my past experience has really taught me is that sex isn’t something to play around with — and it’s definitely not something to be taken lightly. I respect sex more than I used to and the feelings it can bring out in me and my partner. Having sex when you’re not ready is like playing with fire and I’m a lot more cautious about who I open up to and how long we wait until I can be assured we’re ready for all that sex can bring to us.
Jennifer is a playwright, dancer, and theatre nerd living in the big city of Toronto, Canada. She studied Creative Writing at Concordia University and works as a lifestyle writer who focuses on Health, B2B, Tech, Psychology, Science, Food Trends and Millennial Life. She's also a coreographer, playwright, and lyricist, with choreography credits for McMaster University’s “Spring Awakening,” “Roxanne” for the Guelph Contemporary Dance Festival, and “The Beaver Den” for The LOT, among others.

You can see more of her work on her Contently page and follow her on Instagram @jenniferenchin.