Older Wives Wish They Did Less of These Things in Their Lives

Older Wives Wish They Did Less of These Things in Their Lives

Today, we’re talking about the stuff that many women look back on and think, “Well, I definitely could’ve done less of that.” These insights come from wives who’ve been around the block and want to save you from some of their regrets. Maybe you’ll recognize some of these patterns in your own life, or maybe you’ll just file them away as valuable lessons from those who’ve walked this path before. Either way, there’s something powerful about learning from the women who’ve already weathered these storms and come out wiser on the other side.

1. Worrying About Their “Number”

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The scale became their morning judge and jury, dictating their mood and self-worth for the day. They’d obsess over every pound gained or lost, trying every fad diet that promised to make them “perfect.” These women spent countless hours worrying about fitting into arbitrary size standards instead of focusing on their health and happiness. Many of them look back at photos from years they thought they were “fat” and wish they’d appreciated their bodies instead of fighting them.

2. Keeping Score

Oh, the mental spreadsheets they kept! Who did more chores, who spent more money, and who said what during which argument three years ago. These wives wish they’d spent less time tallying up grievances and more time having actual conversations about their needs. They tracked every dish washed, every diaper changed, and every slight (real or imagined) like they were training to be accountants of resentment. Looking back, they realize all that mental bookkeeping just poisoned their relationships and their peace of mind.

3. Trying to Change Their Partners

Here’s a fun one that makes most older wives cringe when they think about it. They spent years trying to “fix” their partners, thinking if they just nagged enough, hinted enough, or left enough self-help books lying around, their spouse would magically transform into their ideal version. They’d try to change everything from the way their partner loaded the dishwasher to their fundamental personality traits. Now they know that people only change when they want to, and all that energy could’ve been better spent on accepting differences or addressing real deal-breakers head-on.

4. Living Through Their Kids

Many wives poured all their energy and dreams into their children’s lives, forgetting to nurture their own identities and interests. They became so focused on creating “perfect” childhoods that they lost sight of their own growth and happiness. Every spare moment was given to organizing activities, managing achievements, and living vicariously through their kids’ experiences. Looking back, they realize they could have been better role models by pursuing their own passions while supporting their children.

5. Maintaining One-Sided Friendships

They spent years nurturing friendships with people who only showed up when they needed something. These wives were always available to listen, help move, or provide emotional support, while their so-called friends were mysteriously busy when the tables were turned. They’d make excuses for flaky friends, continue investing in relationships that had long since expired, and hold onto connections that drained rather than filled their cups. Now they wish they’d invested that energy in reciprocal friendships instead.

6. Apologizing for Everything

You know that habit of saying “sorry” when someone else bumps into you at the grocery store? Yeah, that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Many wives realize they spent years apologizing for existing, for having needs, for taking up space in their own homes. They apologized when dinner was five minutes late, when they were tired, or when they wanted a moment to themselves. Looking back, they wish they’d saved their apologies for things that actually warranted them. And let’s be honest—most of those daily “I’m sorrys” were just reflexive people-pleasing that didn’t serve anyone.

7. Putting Everyone Else First

Remember how flight attendants always say to put your own oxygen mask on first? Well, these wives wish they’d applied that logic to their daily lives way sooner. They spent years running themselves ragged, making sure everyone else’s needs were met while their own gathered dust in the corner. They’d skip their doctor’s appointments to drive the kids to their tenth extracurricular activity of the week. The house had to be spotless, everyone’s favorite meals had to be cooked, and heaven forbid they take an hour for themselves to just breathe. Now they realize that being a good wife and mother doesn’t mean being a martyr.

8. Saying “Yes” When They Meant “No”

The amount of time these women spent agreeing to things they absolutely didn’t want to do could fill several lifetimes. They said yes to hosting elaborate holiday dinners when they were exhausted, volunteering for every school committee, and attending endless social events they dreaded. They agreed to take on extra responsibilities at work while already overwhelmed, joined clubs they had no interest in, and committed to plans they knew would make them miserable. Looking back, they wish they’d discovered the power of “no” much earlier in life.

9. Hiding Their Accomplishments

Many wives spent years downplaying their achievements to avoid making their partners or others feel insecure. They’d minimize their work successes, hide their talents, or brush off compliments like they were swatting flies. They learned to make themselves smaller, dimming their light to keep peace or maintain relationships. Now they realize that anyone worth keeping in their life would celebrate their victories, not feel threatened by them.

10. Being the Family Social Secretary

They managed everyone’s schedules, remembered every birthday, planned every holiday, and kept track of every social obligation like it was their paid job. These wives became the unofficial managers of their family’s entire social calendar and emotional labor department. They’d remember their mother-in-law’s favorite flowers, their kids’ friends’ allergies, and every upcoming event within a 50-mile radius. Now they wish they’d shared this mental load more evenly with their partners from the start.

11. Playing It Safe

Too many years were spent in the comfortable but unfulfilling zone of “what if” and “maybe later.” They delayed their dreams, kept their opinions to themselves, and stayed in their lanes because it seemed safer that way. These wives wish they’d taken more calculated risks, spoken up more often, and pursued their passions without waiting for permission or the “perfect” time. They realize now that playing it safe often meant playing small.

12. Taking Care of Everyone’s Emotions

They became emotional sponges, absorbing and managing everyone’s feelings while suppressing their own. These wives would smooth things over, keep the peace, and make sure everyone else was comfortable, even at the cost of their own emotional well-being. They’d mediate family conflicts, counsel friends through crisis after crisis, and carry the emotional burdens of everyone around them. Looking back, they wish they’d set better boundaries and let others manage their own emotional lives.

13. Pretending to Be “Fine”

The number of times they said “I’m fine” when they were anything but could fill an ocean. These wives mastered the art of pushing down their feelings, wearing a smile while they were crumbling inside. They’d go through entire days, weeks, or even years pretending everything was okay because they thought that’s what strong women did. Now? They know that true strength often lies in being honest about when you’re not okay.

Phoebe Mertens is a writer, speaker, and strategist who has helped dozens of female-founded and led companies reach success in areas such a finance, tech, science, and fashion. Her keen eye for detail and her innovative approach to modern womanhood makes her one of the most sought-out in her industry, and there's nothing she loves more than to see these companies shine.

With an MBA from NYU's Stern School of Business and features in Forbes and Fast Company she Phoebe has proven she knows her stuff. While she doesn't use social media, she does have a private Instagram just to look at pictures of cats.