“The one before The One” usually gets a bad rap as being the person who broke your heart. If you’ve been this for someone then you know how bad it can feel to know you don’t get to be their forever person. But before you get depressed, consider the fact that this relationship might be the best one you ever have. Here’s why.
The relationship is your dating training wheels.
You learn so much more about yourself during a relationship with “the one before The One.” It’s a relationship that’s not going to last forever, but it doesn’t have to in order to make an impact on who you are. The very fact that it doesn’t last forever is what makes it so powerful.
You learn what you want.
Not all dating flops are meant to be hated on. Sometimes the relationships that fail can bring you much greater clarity about what you want. There’s no relationship that does this more than the one just before you meet your forever person. In fact, you probably meet your forever person because you learned what you wanted from this person in such a dramatic, often heartbreaking way.
You’re thankful for the heartbreak.
Although breaking up with the one that got away can be painful because you feel like you just missed out on the chance to be with that person forever, look at what you’ve gained. After a few months, you’ll realize that you’re better off without that person in your life. There’s nothing more powerful than realizing you’re good on your own and don’t need anyone. If you do end up meeting someone else who sticks around, just think of how much stronger you’ll be with that mindset.
This makes you more grateful for your forever person.
When you meet your “fp” or “forever person,” you’ll have to give thanks to your relationship with “the one before The One” falling apart. Not only did that person free you up to find your forever person, but you became your best self during that relationship.
A relationship with “the one before The One” made you grow up more than you thought you could. It involved trial and error and lots of dating mistakes (perhaps on your part), but it broke you down and then built you up into a stronger, wiser, and more amazing person.
You’re awesome girlfriend material.
All the positive changes to yourself, courtesy of this relationship, have made you a much better girlfriend. You’re not the type to let jealousy sabotage your relationship because you’ve seen how damaging it can be. You’re not clingy anymore. In fact, you value your independence. These dating lessons come from age and getting yourself out there, sure, but also from dating “the one before The One.”
You learned the lesson and moved on.
Although it’s tough to say goodbye to the person you thought was The One but turned out to fall as little short of that title, that person left your life when they taught you the lessons you were meant to learn. You don’t need them anymore. Seeing the relationship, with all its ups and downs, in that way instead of as a dating failure can really empower you.
You know what real love looks like (and doesn’t).
You thought you were madly in love with “the one before The One” and you wanted to be with them forever. Or so you thought. The truth is, now that you look back on that relationship, you can see that as amazing as the good times were, real love won’t leave you in tears and heartbroken. You can also spot the signs you missed during that relationship which warned you not to give your heart so easily.
You don’t take crap anymore.
This was the person who almost made it to the altar with you. That’s some serious relationship stuff. That relationship was also the first one that brought you that close to such a huge commitment. But it wasn’t all roses and champagne. The relationship ended for a reason. It brought up issues and problems and showed you that some things aren’t meant to be. Whatever the case, it taught you not to take crap anymore, which makes you a smarter person in the dating game in the future.
You’ve helped someone else grow.
This relationship isn’t just about you, it’s also about the other person. After all, you might’ve been their “one before The One.” There’s no shame in this. In fact, it can be a wonderful thing. In the same way that your partner helped to make you become the best version of yourself, you have done the same for them. You’ve definitely influenced them for the better in some way. Hopefully, thanks to you, they’ll move on to be better partners to people they date in future, and perhaps even their “One.”
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