I Tend To Be The One To Love More In A Relationship And It Totally Sucks

They say it’s good to be the one in a relationship who loves more, that it’s brave and makes you strong. In my experience, it taught me a lot but it also left me unsatisfied in my relationships and pretty damn lonely. Here’s why:

1. They had the power. I always felt like when I was in a relationship with someone who didn’t show me as much love as I showed them, they had the power. Why? Because they cared less. It was easier for them to walk away than for me to cut my losses because I was more invested in the relationship.
2. It’s exhausting. I was eager to give them support, kindness, and love. I was a good girlfriend but that didn’t mean they were good to me. In fact, they weren’t giving me much in return! I was left totally drained because I was giving so much to them and having nothing for myself.
3. They weren’t committed. I was quick to commit to them and stay loyal but they weren’t as committed as I was, which made it easier for them to mess around with other people or just ghost me. I ended up putting in so much more commitment and then getting my heart broken for it. It sucks. If someone doesn’t love me as much as I love them, there’s no way they’ll commit 100 percent.
4. I was a one-woman show. Relationships need both parties to step up. I wish someone had slipped me that memo because I obviously didn’t get it. I thought I could carry the weight of the relationship and let my partners do less. Screw that. I was trying to make up for what they weren’t giving to the relationship but it just screwed me over.
5. I got burned. When I hadn’t heard from them in a few days, I’d always be the one to reach out and make contact. I wanted the relationship to work out, but I should’ve just read the signs that they didn’t. It would’ve saved me so much time. Honestly, every time I reached out and got a lame excuse for their silence, such as “I was just swamped at work,” I’d feel so pathetic.
6. Their “great love” stories killed me. I remember one guy I dated told me about the greatest love he’d had in his life and how she’d broken his heart. Um, I thought I was supposed to be the great love of his life? He didn’t love me as much as he’d loved her, which is seriously messed up. I’m after a great love, and like hell will I be someone’s consolation prize.
7. I blamed myself. It’s weird, but stick around with a guy who doesn’t love you as much as you love him and soon you’ll start trying to find reasons why it’s happening. I blamed myself, thinking I wasn’t good enough or not trying hard enough. It was such BS. There’s no way to make someone love me. They either do or don’t.
8. It’s toxic AF. Staying with someone who doesn’t love me enough isn’t a sign of bravery or loyalty, it’s stupidity! Over time, it broke me down and made me feel like I’d never find a relationship where the guy and I were equals, giving the same amount of effort and commitment. It’s even worse than an unhappy relationship because the guys aren’t always bad people, so it’s harder to leave. But their hearts aren’t fully in it, which is bad enough.
9. I wasn’t loved in the way I needed to be. When I finally broke up with one guy who hadn’t met me halfway in the relationship, I told him that he just didn’t love me. He was surprised, insisting that he really did. I realized he might’ve, but not in the way that I needed to be loved. That was the problem. That’s what was making me so unhappy.
10. It’s impossible to measure love, but… I know that it’s impossible to measure how much those exes loved me and if they even did, but I can’t deny that there were signs in their behavior that showed me we weren’t on the same level. I could see it in how they were fine with just living in the moment, not thinking about our future, never showing a lot of affection, and so on. I could do better.
11. Love is an inside job. I know that love has to start inside of me. I have to love myself before I can even think of loving anyone else. If I don’t, I risk getting with the wrong people who take advantage of my love or I just feel like I’m never satisfied because I’m searching for love from external sources. I was loving them more than myself, which was the worst thing I could do.
12. They were a sick comfort zone. It was so weird being with someone who didn’t love me as much as I loved him. I used to think that it was better than being single because at least we had each other, and perhaps love would grow. Sometimes I’d think that it was hard to leave him because he had such great qualities but we were settling for each other! It’s never worth it. 
13. I finally held out for better. I knew that I had to let those kinds of guys go. I didn’t want to be the one who gave more and loved better. I wanted someone to truly love me. When I finally found him, it was so worth it. It made me realize just how much time I’d wasted on lukewarm love. At least now I know what real love looks like.