I Only Have One Qualification For Guys I Date—That They’re Open To an Actual Relationship

I find that most guys my age aren’t ready for a relationship even if they say they are. Frankly, I’m sick and tired of getting dumped or ghosted by guys who are afraid of pursuing something long-termFrom now on, I vow to only date guys who actually WANT something real.

  1. Otherwise, what am I even doing? Why would I go on a date with a guy if he’s not even interested in an actual relationship? Isn’t that the whole point?! I mean, I’m sure he’s interested in having sex, but I’d seriously save so much time and grief just by making sure the guy I’m going out with is the “relationship type.” I’m not looking for a casual hookup.
  2. If I don’t want to look back and regret all the time I wasted. The main thing I’m concerned about is how much time I’m gonna waste by dating guys who don’t really want to be with me. By only dating guys who want a relationship, at least I’ll know that things didn’t work out because we weren’t a good match, not because we wanted totally different things. It wouldn’t feel like a waste of time. Also, I wouldn’t feel like I was being lied to.
  3. Most guys my age AREN’T looking for a relationship. I’m in my mid-20s and honestly, most guys my age haven’t been bitten by the long-term partnership bug yet. They’re still “figuring themselves out” and don’t want to pursue anything too serious. Guys my age are still in development, so I need to be extra sure they actually want to be dating right now and aren’t just on the lookout for some easy sex. Gotta be careful with the younger ones.
  4. I don’t really care about anything else. Honestly, he could be 4’10” and balding—all I really care about is that he wants something real. When you find a guy who wants to get serious with you, looks don’t seem to matter as much anymore. So yeah, the only criteria I’m judging guys on these days is their interest in a long-term relationship…nothing else.
  5. You could say that relationships guys are my “type.” Every girl has their type. Some girls are into bad boys, others into reserved intellectuals. Me? I’m into guys who want a serious commitment. Nothing turns me on more than a guy who desires a deep connection.
  6. I used to date just about anyone but now things have changed. When I was 21, I had no standards for the guys I dated. If we clicked, we clicked and I would live off of the love fumes for awhile until it would start to unravel because he wasn’t ready for a relationship. Now that I’m 27, I’m not just going to date a guy because we get along—we also need to have the same long-term goals.
  7. I don’t want to end up in an endless circle of casual sex that goes nowhere. I used to be okay with keeping it casual but now I want something real. If I find out a guy I’m interested in isn’t interested in a relationship, then forget it. I’m not willing to go through the pain of getting attached and then rejected just because he “just can’t do this.” To avoid the heartache, I’m going to make sure that he’s ready for something real from the beginning.
  8. I like to think I’m worth it. Maybe the reason why I used to put up with wishy-washy guys was because that’s all I thought I deserved. Now that I’m older, I’ve finally come into my own and developed some serious self-esteem. I won’t put up with these guys anymore because I sincerely believe I’m better than that. I’m high value and I know it.
  9. There’s a reason why most guys avoid “the talk.” Why is it that men are known to be commitment-phobes whereas women are seen as being desperate to tie them down? It’s because it’s kinda true. There’s a kernel of truth behind every stereotype and I’ve seen it with my own eyes. Most guys avoid defining the relationship because they never wanted it in the first place! I’m not so naive to think that the guy I’m dating wants a relationship because popular stereotypes would say that he doesn’t. I gotta make sure we’re on the same page from the beginning, otherwise, I’m going to be disappointed.
  10. It’s like I’m doing damage control for my love life. I can’t tell you how many guys I’ve dated who ended up breaking up with me because they’re “not ready.” After getting dumped time and time again, I finally figured I should start taking measured action in preventing this from happening again. This is why I always ask the guy I’m dating whether he’s open to a relationship and I make sure he tells me the truth. 
Jennifer is a playwright, dancer, and theatre nerd living in the big city of Toronto, Canada. She studied Creative Writing at Concordia University and works as a lifestyle writer who focuses on Health, B2B, Tech, Psychology, Science, Food Trends and Millennial Life. She's also a coreographer, playwright, and lyricist, with choreography credits for McMaster University’s “Spring Awakening,” “Roxanne” for the Guelph Contemporary Dance Festival, and “The Beaver Den” for The LOT, among others.

You can see more of her work on her Contently page and follow her on Instagram @jenniferenchin.