There’s One Thing I NEVER Do When Dating A New Guy & You Shouldn’t Either

Adding a crush on social media has never worked out in my favor. I either find something that makes me question his entire existence or I fall deeply in love with him before we’ve even had a first date. Don’t get me wrong, creeping on a guy’s accounts can be fun, but this is why I’ve decided to stop:

  1. I don’t want to jump to conclusions. Every time I stalk a crush on social media, I end up making unfair assumptions about him. According to Facebook, he went to Vegas with his college roommates last month — that must mean he’s a “party boy”, right? Not necessarily. There’s a chance his friends forced him to go and he spent the entire time in his hotel room, not drinking or hitting on women. Hey, it’s plausible! The point is, I don’t really know one way or the other, and it’s not fair to judge him until I do.
  2. Photos can be ambiguous. He posted a picture three weeks ago of himself with a leggy brunette. Is she his friend? Maybe a sister? I don’t know — she’s not tagged, and of COURSE there’s no caption. Now I’m freaking out and taking this picture as proof that he’s in a relationship, totally unaware that the girl is actually his distant cousin.
  3. I’m trying to figure out who he is in a really shallow way. The only reason I stalk his social media is to gather information. I’m looking to see who his friends are, what types of places he likes to hang out at, even what kind of fashion sense he has. How shallow, right? I’m judging a book I haven’t read by a cover I’ve only glanced at.
  4. I feel like a creep. Casually glancing at a guy’s Instagram account always sounds like a good idea… until it becomes more than just a little glance. Before I know it, I’m eight months deep and I know every detail about the spring break trip he went on with his family. Honestly, that’s creepy AF and completely unnecessary  — stalking him isn’t going to help our potential future (especially if he finds out).
  5. I’m too jealous. What my crush posts on social media has the potential to make me very jealous. His #WCW had better be his mom every single week or I’ll get pissed… even though I have no right to be. We aren’t dating, I barely even know the kid, and yet social media tricks my mind into thinking we’re in a committed relationship.
  6. It’s a false reality. Everyone is way cooler (and usually better looking) on the Internet. I’m not ashamed to say I use a substantial amount of filters before I post a picture — who doesn’t? My crush might look like Harry Styles in a few of his pics, but it’s only because of dope lighting and great editing skills. Relying on social media to give me an accurate depiction of him isn’t going to work.
  7. If he’s lying, I’d rather find out in person. The worst part about stalking is catching him in a lie. He might tell me he was out of town last weekend, but according to his friend’s tweet, he was actually having brunch on Saturday, right down the road from my house. Oops! I’m not saying I don’t want to know he’s a liar, but I’d rather find out another way — not because I was creepin’ on his friend’s account.
  8. His “likes” are way too crucial. Adding my crush on social media means constantly checking his activity. If I post a selfie and he doesn’t like it, my heart drops. If he posts a selfie and it gets more than thirty likes, I’m scanning through the comments trying to see what other girls he might be talking to. It’s nuts, and way too time-consuming — especially for a guy I’m not even dating yet.
  9. It’s none of my business. I don’t need to know his entire life story yet. Stalking him on social media might give me too much too soon. And honestly, he doesn’t need to know who my friends are or what my dog’s name is before we even get to know each other. Instead of jumping the gun, I’ll stay in my lane and mind my business until we’re actually in a relationship.
  10. I don’t like the idea of him doing the same to me. Wondering whether or not a crush has stalked every social media account I have is actually a very uncomfortable feeling. I understand wanting to do your due diligence — you don’t want to start falling for a psychopath — but since I don’t want him to be all over my personal pages before he gets to know me, I want to keep things fair by treating him the same way.
Jordan White is a writer based in Scottsdale, Arizona with more than 8 years of experience. She graduated from Northern Arizona University with a degree in Rhetoric and Creative Writing in 2015 and while there, she wrote for The Daily Wildcat. She has since written for sites including FanBread, and, of course, Bolde. You can find about more her on Facebook. She has a passion for giving her audience something to laugh about and despises the heat more than anything.