Online dating has been a savior for many of us who have neither the time nor the patience to actually go out and meet new people. Its ever-increasing popularity has led many people to wonder how they’re ever able to meet new partners without it. I have similar fears, but mostly because I think the downsides to meeting a guy online far outweigh the benefits. Here’s why:
No one wants to initiate a conversation. Talking to a stranger isn’t easy, even if it’s only through a screen. I don’t know what to say, how to act, and what will turn them off. And sometimes I feel too anxious about sending the first message, so I wait for the other person to initiate conversation… except they had the exact same idea. So what happens now? Nothing. It’s like being stuck in a constant loop of disappointment.
I feel like I’m being too judgmental. For all I know, this guy could be the nicest person to walk the Earth. But I decided not to give him a chance because it says in his bio that he likes avocado. I hate avocado. How would this even work? It makes me feel incredibly bad swiping left on someone who “isn’t my type” based on a picture and a couple of brief sentences.
My anxiety is at its highest. Putting myself out there for people to criticize my looks and ultimately make an assumption on my personality based on a few pictures is very daunting. I don’t like the thought of a stranger making judgments before they’ve even spoken to me. Yet we all do it, don’t we? That’s just the way online dating works, and honestly, it sucks.
I’m not good at starting a conversation. I’ve never been good at initiating conversation with a stranger. It takes me a long time to get used to someone and be able to call them a friend. So when I’m thrown into the world of online dating, the struggle is real. I’m usually lost for words and start rambling. The whole time I’m anxious about how I’m coming across and whether the other person thinks I’m crazy. I’m so focused on wanting this person to like me that I feel like I’m not being true to myself.
I want something serious. Before I downloaded Tinder, I asked one of my friends if I should. She told me that if I was looking for something serious, I’d probably be disappointed. Now I know exactly what she meant. Not everyone on dating apps is looking for a relationship. In fact, a vast majority are only looking for a casual hookup, so it makes finding a guy who wants something serious a big challenge.
There are a ton of fake profiles. It’s 2016 and there are still people out there thinking they can fool us with their fake profiles. It makes me want to delete the app when I come across someone with a picture of Niall Horan or some popular YouTuber. It’s creepy, it’s weird, and it’s SO transparent.
The conversations usually fizzle out. There’s always that initial buzz when you get a conversation flowing. I get excited thinking that this guy is great and maybe it will actually go somewhere. And then you inevitably run out of things to talk about, and the fun is over. No one fights to keep the conversation going. We both accept that this short encounter has run its course and it’s time to move on to the next person.
I’m afraid of rejection. The main issue with online dating is that rejection is inevitable. It’s painfully awkward saying ‘hey’ to someone and not getting any response. I start thinking that I said something wrong, but all I said was one word. How could I mess that up? Even swiping right on someone doesn’t necessarily mean they want to talk, and that’s so frustrating.
First dates are awkward AF. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t think anyone has a good time on a first date anymore. It’s painfully awkward from the moment you first meet. Do you hug? Shake hands? Stand there like a complete fool? Don’t even get me started on the nervous laughter and forced conversation. Most of the time, you just sit there across from this stranger thinking about what you’re going to binge-watch on Netflix when you get home.
I’m not good at selling myself. If I’m honest, my dating profile isn’t the best. Choosing the right profile and writing an interesting bio requires skill: one that I don’t have. I don’t want to make my life seem more exciting than it actually is. The reality is that I am just the same as everyone else. I don’t go skydiving or tree camping in my spare time. I don’t stand out from the crowd; I’m just another person on a dating app who’s losing any hope of finding something permanent.