Why I’ll Only Consider Dating A Guy Who’s In Therapy

As a woman in my mid-twenties, I think I’ve earned the right to get a bit picky about the guys I date. I’m tired of weeding through hordes of mediocre guys, giving them the benefit of the doubt, only to reaffirm lessons I already know because I’ve actually worked through my issues with a professional. I’m done falling for the same red flags over and over again! I want a real man. This is why I’ll only consider dating someone in therapy and you should do the same.

  1. Emotional Intelligence Can Turn a 6 Into a 10! I seriously cannot say it enough; emotional intelligence is sexy. Nothing will get me into bed faster than a guy who understands his emotions and mine. It takes the silly games and guesswork out of the equation, leaving room for more important things. Dating someone in therapy also means that I don’t have to worry about getting the silent treatment, being manipulated or gaslit, or having him go AWOL because he can’t process his emotions like an adult. It’s a win-win.
  2. He’s Not Ashamed To Admit He Has Flaws. If a guy’s in therapy, it’s because he knows he’s not perfect and that will make dating him so much less frustrating. I love self-awareness! We all make mistakes and have things we can improve on, but I can’t tell you how many of my exes insisted they were perfect and never in the wrong. Enough of that! I can’t help but be super into someone with the confidence to admit he’s still rough around the edges. I’m not looking for Prince Charming, I’m looking for someone real.
  3. He’s Actively Working on Those Flaws. Not only will he own up to his imperfections, but the fact he’s in therapy also shows that he is actively working on them. It’s one thing to spout out “nobody’s perfect,” but it’s even more attractive to me when he’s showing initiative to better himself. That’s true king¬†energy right there.
  4. He’s Open to Hearing Differing Opinions. I take this as a sign that he also has great communication skills. You wouldn’t believe how many guys I’ve dated who couldn’t fathom a world in which their opinion isn’t the only one. I’m tired of talking to a brick wall! I want a partner who both challenges me and collaborates with me. I’m a person with valid thoughts and opinions, and I need him to hear me. Dating a guy in therapy means having the freedom to say what’s on my mind.
  5. He’ll work Towards Bettering the Relationship. Since he’s already working on bettering himself, chances are he’ll be willing to work on the relationship when issues arise. In my opinion, his history of self-reflection and desire to change problematic behaviors thanks to therapy makes the idea of dating him that much more attracive. This is the type of adult relationship I’m looking for.
  6. He’s Willing to Find Healthy Resolution During Conflict. I’ll be honest. I can be a bit hot-headed during arguments; it’s something I’m personally working on with my therapist. It’s inevitable that my partner and I will get into our fair share of disagreements, but I want a guy willing to find common ground and not let petty disagreements get the best of our relationship. I need someone to work with me, not keep score against me.
  7. He’s bound to be more Mature. I’ll only consider dating someone who is just as mature as I am, and a guy who’s in therapy is likely to fit the bill. I’m ready for the real deal, not just a casual fling. If a guy is working with a professional therapist, I know he has enough life experience to realize that this process is a healthy and valuable one. He’s a genuine man, not a boy, and that’s what I’m looking for!
  8. He Doesn’t Buy Into The Archaic Idea of a “Real Man.” On a similar note, I’m not looking for someone held back by the outdated notion of what masculinity looks like. It’s 2022, get with it! I’m so tired of boys trying to get my attention with bravado and immature ideas of “how a man should treat his lady.” I don’t think abs and a deep voice make a man (although they are a nice bonus); character does. I need more Harry Styles energy, less Andrew Tate nonsense.
  9. He Has Empathy for Others Struggling. Just like confidence, intelligence, and maturity are all major turn-ons, I can’t leave out empathy! I go weak in the knees for a genuinely caring man. This doesn’t mean he has to be all soft and lovey-dovey. Frankly, he just can’t be an a–hole. I know my next boyfriend will be someone who constantly treats people with kindness, and that’s exciting.
  10. He’ll Be More Accepting of my Own Mental Health Journey. If it’s not already obvious, I’m an avid believer in therapy. I’ve got my own demons to battle. So, when it comes to dating a guy who’s in therapy, I know he’ll understand my mental health journey and struggles more than someone who’s not. This is probably the most important aspect of a relationship for me. I need to feel safe and supported; the only way someone can do that is if they understand what it’s like.
Greta is a freelance writer who runs on coffee and cheap wine.