If He’s Only Into You When You’re Alone, Something’s Wrong

It’s not fun to be with a guy who’s all about you when you’re alone together, but not so much in public. It does crappy things to your self-esteem and makes you doubt yourself in the worst ways. Still, when you’re in the thick of it, even the most glaring signs aren’t always obvious to you. If you find yourself in a shady situation with a guy whose interest in you only shows when you’re in private, keep an eye out for these other signs he’s ashamed of you and your relationship:

  1. Your relationship is strictly platonic when you see each other around. He’ll wave, smile, chat a little, but there’s no indication that you mean anything else to each other. Sometimes, you probably wonder if you imagined everything, although occasionally he’ll drop a wink or give you a smile that convinces you it’s not all in your head.
  2. Or maybe he doesn’t acknowledge you at all. This is awful. It’s also a sign that the relationship, such as it is, really isn’t worth it at all (though it does take awhile to get to this point sometimes). His reasons for acting this way might be so compelling and make a lot of sense to you when the two of you are together. In the colder, clearer light of morning, however, it seems like kind of a bum deal.
  3. You only see him when it’s convenient for him. We all live busy lives, but if you really care about someone and your relationship with them, you make time no matter what. If you’re dead last on his list of priorities — after work, school, the gym, guys’ nights, you name it — and he doesn’t seem to care about everything you have going on in your life, there’s a problem.
  4. He’s there on the weekends, but only at night. It would be a classic booty call, except for the fact that it’s not really. There’s more there — maybe it’s just you or maybe he’s leading you on, but you still feel it, whatever the case may be. He stays the night, but he doesn’t really ever want to spend the next day with you, and you’re not invited to what he’s doing instead. The wondering, the not knowing, feeling too afraid to ask — hands up if you’ve ever gone through that thought-cycle.
  5. You get the feeling you’re not the only woman in the picture. Maybe the reason he’s not all over you in public is because he already has a girlfriend he does that with. That would also explain why his alone time with you is so limited and always last minute. There could very well be someone else and he’s just not telling you.
  6. He calls you his very best friend. And maybe you are. It can be hard not to confuse feelings of genuine affection for ones of horniness, but that could very well be what happened here. Maybe he had some kind of feelings and just thought, hey, if he thinks they lean towards romantic, he can get sex out of it. Ugh, WTF?
  7. There’s always a what-if. It’s always hanging over your head, this chance of a romance. Maybe after the next girl or the one after that. Maybe after he leaves the office or finishes the semester, that’s the vague carrot he’ll dangle in front of you. Maybe after you lose weight or quit smoking or go back to school. That’s BS and you know it.
  8. You never exactly go out together. Mostly, he’s at your place. Sometimes, rarely, you’re at his. If you go out anywhere, it’s usually to the movies — somewhere dark, always by yourselves, and the movie may or may not be interesting. You rarely remember it anyway because you’re too busy trying to time it so your fingers meet in the popcorn bucket.
  9. Meeting his friends is pretty much off the table. You know who they are and you may even be friendly or friendly-ish with some of them. Maybe they even know about you, but you never hang out with him when he’s with his friends. You might ask, though you’ll probably worry that it’ll come off as annoying and end up pushing him further away.
  10. He has no interest in meeting yours. There’s no need, really. It’s not like you ever do anything with anyone else. He may or may not be interested when you talk about them, but even if he makes an appearance occasionally, you know that your friends aren’t exactly forging lifelong bonds with him.
  11. In fact, your friends probably don’t like him at all. You no doubt talk about him, right? Even if your friends only know his reputation, however, it’s entirely likely that they’re not fond of him, at least in relation to you. It’s hard to listen to people disparaging someone you feel like you care about, but when all other signs are present, it’s time to listen. Besides, true friends never try to steer you wrong. They always have your best interests at heart.
west virginia native, new hampshire transplant, parisian in the depths of my unimpressed soul. owner of an impressive resting bitch face. writer and reader. fluent in sarcasm and snark. lover of lower case and the oxford comma.