I’m The Only Lesbian In My Friend Group & It’s Annoying

When I came out as a lesbian, I didn’t think at all about how it would change my life or my relationships with people I love.  It never crossed my mind that I’d have to explain myself or validate my sexuality to people, and I certainly never imagined that being a lesbian would alter my friendships or make it so awkward to form new ones.

  1. They ask 1,000 questions and it’s really hard not to get annoyed. I love my friends dearly and I appreciate them wanting to understand me better, but sometimes I wish I could just tell them to shut up. “How do you have sex?” “Is it really better?” “Who pays for dates?” These questions are annoying when regular people ask them so it’s worse when my friends ask—especially after I vent to them constantly about how annoying the stupid things people ask are.
  2. They understand the basics but can never fully relate. Getting relationship advice from your friends is a natural instinct whenever you’re struggling. While my girls do help guide me through struggles, they don’t ever really get it. The dynamics of a lesbian relationship are much different because women are much more complicated than men. That’s not their fault, but it does kinda suck.
  3. Their parents are usually super judgey. I haven’t had this problem since I’ve gotten older, but growing up, I always had that friend whose mom thought I was trying to convert her daughter. Ever had to sleep in a separate room during the sleepover because there “wasn’t enough room for you where everyone else was”? Yeah, talk about humiliating.
  4. Going out has never been more complicated. Going out for a girls’ night when you’re hetero is simple: no boys allowed so your BF is out of the question. But when you have a GF, do you bring her along? You could, but then you’re gonna hear how it’s not fair you get to have your S.O. in the club when no one else does. If you don’t, everyone will be asking why she didn’t come. There’s really no winning here!
  5. Double or group dates can get super awkward. Nothing is worse than going on a group date and having some random hit on you or your GF because you’re the only ones not with guys. Plus, if your guy friends are anything like mine, they’re defensive and protective. We usually have to leave or someone is gonna get hurt.
  6. Bringing a new guy friend in the group is always the worst. No one ever thinks to warn the new guy that you’re not into what he’s got. Chances are he’ll hit on you and unless he’s a rare male that can deal with rejection without being awkward, it’s going to be awkward forever.
  7. Making new female friends is never easy, but it’s nearly impossible as a lesbian. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve met a cool girl and once she found out I was a lesbian, she never texted me again. Even if they find out by me mentioning my girlfriend, they typically disappear.
  8. If you do make a new female friend, she always has an annoying friend who judges you. “She asked me if you had ever tried to hit on me or if that was how we met!” *rolls eyes intensely* Just because I like girls doesn’t mean I hit on every girl I see. I’m capable of meeting girls and never thinking of them in that way. Do straight women want to date every guy they see? Exactly my point.
  9. That new friend also has annoying guy friends. This is worse than bringing a new guy friend in your group because it’s not your comfort zone. Also, you don’t have your guy friends to keep him in check. This guy will likely try to make moves on you and convince you that you’re not a lesbian. It always seems like the bitchier you are, the harder they try.
  10. Making lesbian friends isn’t that easy. In most places, the queer community is a small circle. It’s not easy to find a good friend because you’ve probably dated their friend, or they’ve tried to date you. If you are lucky enough to find a friend who understands your sexuality, good luck keeping that relationship in the friend zone. Ugh.