Is He Only In It For The Sex? 10 Signs He Just Wants To Get Laid

It took me a long time to realize this, but there’s a huge difference between love and lustIt’s easy to get these two types of attraction confused and it’s fine when someone is both in lust AND in love with you, but when the connection is purely physical, it can begin to feel empty. Here are all the signs to watch out for.

  1. It feels almost too good to be true. Your relationship feels like a fairytale and everything is just so easy. He seems so laid-back and everything is just constantly chill between you. This might seem like a good thing at first, but what it really means is that the relationship is low-stakes and really only based in sex. It’s going to fade eventually and when it does, it’ll end as quickly as it began, like a dream you can barely remember.
  2. He comments on your body—a lot. Doesn’t even matter where you are or who you’re with, he always seems to manage to whisper something sexual in your ear about how he wants to get you out of that dress. He’ll even try to sneak a feel of your butt under your coat while the two of you are in public. Of course, it’s normal to be a little more handsy than usual at the beginning of a relationship, but his constant comments and touching almost borders on annoying. A guy wouldn’t do that kind of stuff to a girl he respects and loves, especially when you’re in public.
  3. You’re ignoring the fact the two of you are total opposites. You KNOW that you shouldn’t be with him. You don’t really have a lot in common—well, besides that sparkling chemistry in the bedroom. You truly can’t picture being in a relationship with him, yet here you are, in a pseudo-relationship. He’s either out of your league or you’re out of his. It’s only a matter of time before the chemistry runs out and then you’ll just be two people hanging out who have no real depth.
  4. You notice that’s he’s hyper-focused on sex 24/7. Whenever the two of you hang out, it’s just assumed you’ll be having sex, and when you don’t, it just feels weird. It almost feels pointless, actually—why did you even get together? It’s normal to be more focused on sex in the beginning, but everything you guys do seems to revolve around getting it on and it’s seriously getting old.
  5. Your best times together are sex-related. When you look at the timeline of your relationship, you can safely say that the moments you felt the deepest connection and were the happiest were when you were having sex (or during the afterglow, which is sometimes just as good).
  6. You find yourself only caring about sex. You know that the next time you see him, you’ll also be taking your clothes off and it’s something you’ve really gotten used to and perhaps even enjoy. Anything else you guys do together almost seems to be either getting ready for sex or recovering from sex. You don’t really do any activities that allow you to grow as a couple and rarely try new things. When he actually suggests you do something outside the bedroom, you sometimes think it’s a joke.
  7. You use sex to connect. The two of you aren’t exactly the most talkative in nature, so you’ll actually use sex as a means for connection. Any other way of interaction feels a little stagnant and awkward, but you both feel totally in the zone when you’re doing the deed. There is such thing as communication through body language and you guys have managed to master it. You know each other’s bodies like the back of your own hands, but you don’t feel like you know a lot about each other’s past.
  8. If you weren’t dating, you probably couldn’t see yourself being friends with him. You’re not sure why you’re with him, you just know that you have this insatiable urge to undress him at all times and he feels the same way. When you step back and look at the big picture, you just can’t imagine having a family with him, taking trips together, getting a dog, moving in together any sort of “couple-y” stuff.
  9. You only really talk about surface level stuff. The topics you discuss don’t really move past current news and weather…you don’t find yourself inspired to communicate deeply with him and that’s probably because your connection is only meant to be a physical one.
  10. Your mind wanders easily to sleeping with other people. Even though you guys are technically together, you can’t help but imagine yourself sleeping with other people. You might also be tempted to flirt with others and that’s because your needs for emotional connection aren’t being met by him. It’s no one’s fault, it’s just the nature of your attraction for each other.
Jennifer is a playwright, dancer, and theatre nerd living in the big city of Toronto, Canada. She studied Creative Writing at Concordia University and works as a lifestyle writer who focuses on Health, B2B, Tech, Psychology, Science, Food Trends and Millennial Life. She's also a coreographer, playwright, and lyricist, with choreography credits for McMaster University’s “Spring Awakening,” “Roxanne” for the Guelph Contemporary Dance Festival, and “The Beaver Den” for The LOT, among others.

You can see more of her work on her Contently page and follow her on Instagram @jenniferenchin.