An Open Letter To All My Exes

Sometimes you look back on your failed attempts at love and you remember those guys that made deep impacts in your life. The emotional roller coaster of falling in love or attempting to get there comes with a whirl wind of emotions. From the initial stages of butterflies, to the first kiss, to the place where you actually start to invest your heart right up to that painful moment you say goodbye, it’s never an easy departure. But eventually, once the dust settles and you get back into a more grounded place, things come to the surface that you wish you could say, but never did. Here is my open letter to all my exes.

To all my exes,

  1. You weren’t a waste of time. In the beginning of the end, I probably said the opposite once or twice – okay, maybe a hundred times – but you weren’t a waste of time. You were a part of my journey and crucial part of building me up into a more solid state. We all start as “once upon a time”s and when we met, we descended into a territory that was meant to be forever or meant to fade away. Though you broke pieces of me when you carelessly left, some without a word, and some with many, I don’t regret the days I spent with you. You were essential pages that needed to be written into my story.
  2. I don’t hate you. There was a time where the very thought of you left me in complete states of anguish — times when I wished I’d never met you and cursed your name if it was spoken. I probably said a lot of crappy things about you, and I’m not sure if I’m sorry that I said them but I do know that in this moment, I don’t hate you, and I still remember the times where I was laughing and smiling in your company. Maybe we didn’t work out, and maybe our crash could be more accurately described as a toxic explosion, but I still remember the times when we were having fun, and in those moments, I truly cared for you.
  3. You hurt me, and that’s okay. Whether you raised your hand to me,  left me when I needed you the most and in my most desperate states of life struggles, or hurt me with words or the absence of them with your lies, it’s okay. You may have thought that you broke me, and there was a time where that might have been true, but I know that right here, right now, I’m doing just fine. That’s why I don’t care about the pain you inflicted on me — because I survived it.
  4. I wish you well. Even though you caused me grief, took time out of my life to only to leave me disappointed, gave me reasons to despise you and emotionally cut me for reasons I’ll never understand, I still wish you the best. I could hold on to my anger, and hope that you face the same emotional fate you laid onto me, but I know that won’t help me in the long run. Instead, I’m releasing the fury I once felt into this letter to tell you everything I needed to say, and one final thing.
  5. Thank you. Above anything else, I want to thank you. If it wasn’t for you breaking my heart, I wouldn’t be where I am today. Although I felt intense pits of pain, self-loathing, regret and sometimes even remorse, I got through it and became stronger than on the day when you first met me. I’m not that same girl anymore. I’m not broken, I’m not disheveled, I’m not weak and finally, I’m whole again. Thank you for teaching me lessons about myself and guiding me to a place where I know more concretely what I want and need in a person. Thank you for giving me the drive to improve the imperfections you once belittled me for. I’ve also grown a new skin- a thicker one, for having been with you. So thank you, for giving me the fire I needed to improve my life, and be happier without you. I couldn’t have done it without each and every one of you.

Sincerely once yours,

Your Ex.