An Open Letter To The Girl Who Stole My Boyfriend

It was a Friday night and I bet you met him at a frat party. He was probably exactly what you were looking for, and as you talked to him, I bet he made you laugh — he has a great sense of humor. I bet he offered to pay for the cab and he introduced you to his frat bros when he took you back to the house. I bet what he didn’t tell you was that he had a girlfriend who was waiting for him at her apartment, cooking his favorite dinner and looking forward to watching his favorite movie.

I was mad at you when I found out about you. Even though I know it wasn’t your fault, that you didn’t know I existed, I couldn’t help but feel a deep rage towards you. But I’m not mad anymore — here’s why:

You helped me realize what love is.

I thought I loved him, and when you came around, I thought I would die. But then, a year later, as I found myself completely over him, I realized I didn’t love him at all. We were just a comfortable feeling I wasn’t prepared to lose.

You allowed me to trust in myself.

When I felt betrayed by him, I began to trust myself more. I figured out that devoting your entire heart, soul, and existence in someone else isn’t a good idea. What’s better is pinning your hopes and dreams on yourself and then allowing the right person to be a part of them.

You gave me a wake up call.

I lost some naivety that night. I thought that telling him I trusted him automatically made him loyal, but it didn’t. I now live with a realistic view of what loyalty means and I’m able to trust in a healthy, guarded, and fair way.

You taught me the meaning of the phrase “love is blind.”

 I thought he was a god. Seriously, he could do no wrong. Then he did, and I began thinking about all the things he actually did wrong in our “relationship,” like ditching me for video games, showing up two hours late to meet my grandmother, and never coming to my soccer games. I no longer love blindly and I know what I deserve.

You made me to never want to be you.

I never want to be the other woman. And even though you didn’t know I existed, I find myself now being too careful around men I meet. I always search for signs of whether or not he is part of a “we” and if it’s ambiguous, I flat out ask.

You gave me a reason to leave him.

We were absolutely not meant to be in any way, shape or form. We shouldn’t have been together as long as we were, but I’m an extremely loyal person. I hold onto everything because I always feel it’s the right thing to do. It’s a flaw of mine because I never know when to let go. If you hadn’t come along, I might have wasted many more years and would never have met the man I now call my fiancé.

You helped realize what a loyal man looks like.

I now know what it means to have a man who’s loyal — a man who won’t fall for a woman just because she’s giving him attention. A man who sees the big picture and doesn’t trade in a loving relationship for a Friday night fling.

You gave me back my bravery.

 Our relationship left me weak and scared once the spell was broken. I wasn’t open to meeting new people, let alone another possibly embarking on another relationship. He kept me to himself, and I let him. After we ended, I gained some of my courage and charm back.

You taught me what it takes to pull yourself up.

I cannot thank you enough for making me go through one of the hardest things I’ve ever gone through. Because of it, I’m stronger and much more dependent. I know I can get through anything, and nothing can beat me.

You gave me a lesson in forgiveness.

I was pretty pissed at both of you for a long time. It changed who I was and made it hard for me to be happy about anything because I was living with a darkness inside of me. Eventually, I didn’t want to live like that anymore and I began to forgive. I learned what it meant to be free of bitterness and resentment. You gave me that opportunity, so thank you.

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