An Open Letter To The Guy Who Can’t Communicate

Communication skills are the most important part of any relationship, but some men think it’s completely optional and expect problems to resolve without actually talking about them. Some of them will even disappear completely when conflict arises, like so many ghosts we’ve come to know well in modern dating. To the guy who can’t communicate, I have something to say:

Running from problems doesn’t make them disappear. You made me feel like my need to communicate and resolve our issues was irrational, but all I wanted to do was lay down some honesty so we could work towards a better future. I didn’t want to fight, but you eventually brought it out of me when you turned your head the other way, sometimes for days on end. You didn’t want to join me in the successes that we could have had together, and it’s a crying shame, because all you needed to do was speak.

Honesty is appreciated, even if it’s harsh. I wanted you to tell me what was going on in that beautiful mind of yours. I wanted you to give me answers even if they hurt me, and even if it meant no longer having you. We got to that result after too much torture, but I wish you could have spared me the sleepless nights, the tears and the end resulting heartache I felt. When I didn’t get answers, all I had was more questions, but you were too selfish to consider me.

Your actions can only get you so far. I appreciate all the ways you showed me that you cared about me during the good times — when doubt was unaccounted for, and when disagreements weren’t our reality. As much as I appreciate those efforts, trinkets don’t resolve problems and sooner or later, you’re going to need to speak up to the struggles that all relationships face, or you’ll never find the happiness you think you deserve.

You need to work on yourself. My only hope for you is that you realize your faults and can own up to this flawed ability you possess. Why are so many men afraid to talk to women? What happened to you before to make you this way? I’ll never know, because you’ll never say it.

I wish you had told me what you wanted. I never asked to fall for you. I never asked to be whisked away by your madness, your passion, or your quick-witted charm, but I was, and you left me hanging. If only I knew the answers to the reasons you shut down. If only, but I never will.

You left me in the dark, but I found a new light. Even though you left me with so many questions to which I’ll never get any answers, I’m grateful because it’s shown me not only what I truly need in a partner, but it’s also given me the strength to move on from the unknown and to answer my own questions. It wasn’t me, it was totally you.

It going to take time, but I hope you figure it out. I could hate you. I could wish you unpleasant pastures ahead, but I won’t. I want to see you do better, so you don’t leave another woman in the darkness you blanketed me in. You can’t keep running from confrontations that make you uncomfortable because no matter what, and even if you move from person to person, hoping for calm waters, the problems will follow you again and again. Because when you don’t resolve your issues, they’ll keep following you no matter whose heart you land on. And even though you’ve left the imprint of a loser on my heart, I hope you can learn to do better.

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