An Open Letter To The One That Got Away

We all have one – a guy that we may be totally over, but will never completely forget about. The person that we were super close to at one point in our lives and who we thought we would end up with. With this particular ex-BF, things always end in a particularly brutal way – and you definitely don’t stay friends (I’m on the fence about whether that works, anyway). While I’m definitely over my ex and totally open to new love, there are some things I wish I could say to him.

  1. Thank you for breaking up with me. At the time, getting dumped felt like the worst thing that had ever happened to me. It was beyond painful and it didn’t help that the following year, I had to see him everywhere on campus. I self-medicated with several seasons of the original 90210 (Dylan McKay forever) and writing about arts and culture for the school paper. Now, older and wiser (in my humble opinion), I can see that this break-up was truly a gift. We were going in two completely different directions and staying together would have become just as painful as ending things felt.
  2. There are always warning signs. I laugh that my young self thought this break-up was out of the blue. It may have felt that way, but now I can trace the warning signs and understand that this was totally inevitable. I’m thankful that I can tell when something isn’t working out and have the confidence to get out of a bad situation before it goes truly haywire.
  3. You have to know when to let go. In the years since being with this guy, I’ve lived a full life and had tons of different experiences. I’ve finished my degree, gone to journalism school, had almost relationships and first dates and fun vacations and meaningful nights out with my best friends. I’ve had a YA novel published and worked on several others. I’ve launched a freelance writing career and look forward to the future. And yet, every once in a while, I get a Facebook message from my ex (and he even tried to friend me a few months ago). You have to know when it’s time to let go, and for us, that time was a long time ago.
  4. I’m glad you showed me what real love was. Things may have ended but I’m still grateful for my first love. This was way before Tinder and way before the idea of romance seemed silly. Thanks to this experience, I don’t believe it’s crazy to want to fall in love, and it’s helpful to know that love exists as I keep searching for the right guy.
  5. It’s okay to admit something is off. Our relationship was definitely not perfect and both of us should have talked through our problems instead of fighting and then ignoring what was going on. Now I know that it’s not a blemish on your perfect record to admit that you’re going through something. Plastering a smile on your face and insisting you’re super in love really doesn’t help you.
  6. There’s nothing wrong with being ambitious. In fact, it’s an amazing quality to have. It always felt like while he was supportive, my ex blamed me for having dreams and going after them. I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished and will never stop believing in myself.
  7. There’s nothing wrong with being laid-back. At the same time, I can now look back and appreciate my ex’s chill nature. It’s something I look for when I meet people now. Life is way too short to take everything super seriously.
  8. You should share what you’re going through. My ex had some personal issues while we were together and never really told me what was going on. I wish he had just been honest with me. It may not have changed the outcome but it would have helped both of us. Why be in a relationship if you’re not going to tell your partner your story?
  9. Be 100 percent sure when you initiate a break-up. It was definitely weird and confusing when my ex Facebook messaged me that he “missed” me a few years after dumping me in a super casual way. Talk about mixed signals – he had originally told me our love was “doomed” (can you be any more dramatic). I shrugged his message off and continued to move on with my life. But if you’re the one ending a relationship, you need to really think about what it means.
  10. You can’t go back. The final wisdom from my ex? No matter how many times I’ve wondered if things could have been different, I always come back to the conclusion that everything worked out exactly as it was supposed to. I have a great life, I’m happy, and while I haven’t fallen in love since, I can’t wait for the day when that does happen.
Aya Tsintziras is a freelance lifestyle writer and editor from Toronto, Canada. In addition to writing about dating and relationships for Bolde, she also writes about movies, TV, and video games for ScreenRant and GameRant. She has a Political Science degree from the University of Toronto and a Masters of Journalism from Ryerson University. You can find her on Twitter @ayatsintziras and on Instagram @aya.tsintziras.
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