An Open Letter To Men On Dating Websites

An Open Letter To Men On Dating Websites ©iStock/filadendron

Dating is hard these days — I get that. We have a million things going on and trying to carve out more time to traditionally meet someone and develop a relationship seems impossible. Dating websites are great because they eliminate all the extra time it takes to make that initial connection, and you can find what you’re looking for while weeding out the rest. But I have some advice for you “gentlemen” that use dating apps and sites. You’d save us all a bunch of time and heartache if you pay attention.

  1. Please be more upfront about what you want. If all you want is a hook-up, or a one-night stand, can you please just say so? I don’t need to put all of the effort into going on a date with you if all you want is to get some. There are plenty of women out there looking for whatever you’re looking for, but for those of us that aren’t… please stop wasting my time.
  2. Stop lying! You don’t need to lie about your life on your profile, and why would you? If you end up finding someone and getting serious, she’ll discover your lies and may decide she’s no longer interested in you.
  3. I do not want your penis on my phone. When I shop online, I want to see every detail of the item I’m buying, no surprises. However, you are not an item and I’d prefer there be some mystery. Also, your penis is not so beautiful that it deserves a selfie, so spare me.
  4. Ghosting makes you look like a pansy. So, you don’t like me as much as you thought. That’s cool — I think your mustache is creepy, but maybe you could strap the boys back on and tell me to my face, or at least via text instead of just vanishing? You look like a major pansy-ass when you do this. Grow a set, dude.
  5. If you “don’t have time to date” GTFO of dating websites! Seriously, guys. This excuse is super lame because, well, you’re posting on a dating site, suggesting that you’re here to date. If you aren’t, then stay off and use Tinder. Some of us actually want to date, like normal people. Don’t be a tool.
  6. Do not ever say “Netfix and chill.” Ever. We’re not in college anymore. I am a grown ass woman and saying NFAC to me makes me think you’re 19. This saying should have never been born, and you men using these websites should be hunting for prey on a college campus, not on a paid subscription-dating site.
  7. Don’t ask me what my bra size is. Unless you work at VS and plan to get me free stuff, don’t ever ask me this. I can assure you that if you ask, you’ll never find out first hand. This really shows how shallow you are.
  8. Sexting is weird when we’ve never even met. You don’t even know if I am who I say I am (um, hello, have you ever seen Catfish?). Yet you want to talk about the things you’d do to me… that’s just weird. Maybe I’m a middle-aged man, maybe I’m a 60-year-old woman… you never know! How about you meet me before the sexy talk?
  9. Don’t ask me to send you nudes. Some women make a living out of taking nude photos and videos — they’re called adult entertainers. Seeing as my profession is not listed as adult entertainer, I’m not taking nude photos or videos for you. You can pay for that the same as you paid for this dating membership. It all looks much better in person, but you’ll never know if you don’t stop being such a perv and a creep!
C. is an aspiring yogi and Ph.D student who loves her dogs, bright lipstick and to travel. Find her on IG @drparko121314