Opinion: Another Woman Staying At Your Boyfriend’s Place Shouldn’t Be Okay

One of the biggest lies a guy can tell you is that “nothing happened” between him and another woman, be it an ex, a female friend, or some random stranger. If she slept over at his house but he’s promising you that it was purely platonic, you shouldn’t believe him. Here’s why:

  1. Why didn’t he tell you about it? He could’ve called you and explained the situation when she was standing on his doorstep but he didn’t. It’s clear that he was hoping you wouldn’t find out about it. Now that you have, he’s got no choice but to claim that nothing happened, obviously. But it’s total BS — not telling you something is just the same as lying.
  2. There’s no good reason or excuse. Unless there was a massive earthquake or some other natural disaster, and even then, chances are she could’ve found somewhere else to crash. It sounds harsh, but there’s never a good enough reason for a woman to stay at a guy’s place, especially if he hasn’t run it past his girlfriend. There’s a choice in everything and they both chose to have a sleepover.
  3. It’s hard to imagine it was purely platonic. When you hear that another woman spent the night at your boyfriend’s home, it’s easy to start imagining what they got up to and if they ended up in bed. It’s horrible and totally unfair on you to have to deal with that. Your boyfriend’s brought these fears right into your life. Jerk.
  4. You’ll never know the truth. Part of why it’s so hard to believe your boyfriend’s version of events is that you’ll never know the truth 100 percent, even if you call the other woman. There’ll always be some doubt about what they did or what could’ve happened. You don’t need that.
  5. He’ll make you feel crazy but don’t crumble. You might feel like you’re overreacting to him spending the night with another woman, but that could be because he’s making you feel guilty. Let’s just get something straight: you have every right to be mad about this — it’s inappropriate and as your boyfriend, he shouldn’t be pulling this crap.
  6. It doesn’t mean he’s innocent just because he told you. He might have come to you and told you that she slept at his place before you found out in some other way, but this doesn’t guarantee that nothing happened. It could just be his way of covering his tracks and making you think, “Since he didn’t hide it, he must be innocent.” Honestly, just because he’s coming clean now, it doesn’t mean he didn’t do anything with her.
  7. He doesn’t have to have cheated for it to be wrong. He might not have touched her, but you know what? It’s still wrong. Other things could’ve gone on, such as him confiding in her or taking on her problems if she ended up at his place after a rough night. It’s wrong for him to be having such an emotional experience with another woman, especially without you being there.
  8. He clearly lacks boundaries. One of the worst things about this is that he clearly lacks boundaries with other women. He’s doing things like letting a woman sleep over at his place when he should know that’s not cool to do in a relationship. EVER. Why the hell is he acting like a single guy?
  9. Your feelings are a sign that something’s wrong. Even if nothing happened, the point is that you can’t help but feel insecure and worried about it. That’s enough for it to be a problem! Your feelings matter and sometimes you’ll just have a gut feeling that something’s not right, so you shouldn’t ignore it.
  10. He should’ve respected your feelings. It boils down to him putting you first. He should’ve respected your feelings by not letting another woman sleep over because he knew how you’d feel about it. If he just assumed you’d be cool with it, he’s a jerk.
  11. Trust isn’t unconditional. Just because you’ve trusted your boyfriend wholeheartedly until now doesn’t mean you have to trust him forever. People change and they can hurt you when you least expect it of them, so just because he might say you can trust him completely doesn’t mean you should. He’s not giving you a reason to trust him.
  12. He’s micro-cheatingEven if he didn’t cheat on you with another woman, the fact that he spent the night with her points to him being a micro-cheater. He’s doing something that’s disrespectful to you and that he wouldn’t do if you were with him, and that’s enough of a betrayal.
  13. Too little, too late. He might insist that nothing dodgy happened with her or that she passed out on the sofa. Still, it’s too convenient for him to be acting open and honest now after the event happened. WTF?
  14. This could highlight a deeper issue. Maybe this whole experience shows you that you’re not comfortable with him having such close female friends, and that’s okay. You don’t have to be okay with that. Most importantly, you shouldn’t be dating someone who makes you feel insecure and doubtful, and this guy is clearly doing that. Let him keep his nightly guest and do what he will – or not do anything – with her. He has his choices to make and so do you, and you can do better. It’s time for you to get a man who respects you.
Jessica Blake is a writer who loves good books and good men, and realizes how difficult it is to find both.