Opinion: The Best Relationships Start Out As Friendships

I know that a lot of people think that dating someone is risky because it can ruin a friendship, but I believe the opposite. I would much rather date a friend because the best relationships come out of the solid foundation of friendship. Here’s why:

  1. Looks fade, friendship doesn’t. Let’s face it — you won’t be hot and heavy forever. Hopefully, even years down the road, you’ll still have a healthy sex life. But that need-to-have-you now type of thing? The intense passion? It usually fades. And guess what? So does outer beauty. You’ll get wrinkles where there didn’t use to be, things start to sag, and hair turns gray. But if you’re dating a friend, none of that matters because while looks may fade, friendship doesn’t, and that means you’ll still be having fun together.
  2. I want to laugh in my relationship. Laughing is a major key to any relationship of mine. I need someone who helps me find the humor in even the most mundane activities. If I date a friend, I know that they can make me laugh until I can’t breathe. Plus, you never have to have the awkward ‘first dating’ moments. You can just giggle your way through it.
  3. NOT dating is what might ruin your friendship. Everyone always says that dating a friend will ruin a friendship, which is totally and completely valid. I get it, but I also believe that NOT dating a friend could be the end of a friendship. Think about it: all you want to do is date this person, which makes it tough to be around them in platonic situations. You end up getting jealous when they talk to other people (even though you’re “just friends”) and you can’t act normal around them anymore. Even if you do get past the wanting-to-date-them stage, you’ll always wonder what could have been. The way I see it, you may as well just date the damn person.
  4. We know each other’s quirks. One of the downsides of getting serious with someone is that you start to figure out all of their annoying habits. Whether that be the something as trivial as the way they pronounce “tomato” or something deeper such as how they handle confrontation, it’s not usually a pretty sight. When I date my friend, I already know their annoying quirks, and better yet, I know how to deal with them.
  5. We’ve already gotten to the stage where we’re comfortable. One of the best things about dating a friend is that there’s no awkward first-time sex, no weird “what are we” talk because you’re already comfortable with each other. There are no silences that make you want to curl up into a ball and die, and you aren’t afraid to bring up certain topics. In other words: you don’t have to walk on eggshells like the beginning of most relationships. We’re already friends so you can bet that I’m 100% comfortable with you.
  6. We know what we like in bed. I don’t know about you, but I don’t have a problem talking to my friends (or anyone, for that matter) about sex. I’m not one of those people that think it’s “improper” to discuss sexual experiences (it’s a part of life, get over it). It’s safe to say that I know what gets my friends going, and they know the same about me. This is great when you’re dating a friend because you don’t have to feel weird about asking for what you want.
  7. We’ve met the exes. They’ve seen the catastrophes I’ve dated, and I’ve witnessed the messes they’ve dated. We don’t feel weird when the topic of exes comes up because we’ve both been front and center for the tragedy of our dating lives.
  8. We don’t play games. I know my friends well enough to realize when they’re talking out of their asses. Not only that, but I’m comfortable enough to call them on it. So instead of playing games, wondering who should text first, or trying to be “unavailable,” we just call each other up. Talk about refreshing.
  9. It’s not complicated unless you make it complicated. Some people freak out about the topic of dating a friend, but the truth is, it’s not that hard… unless you make it like that. It can get sticky and complicated and weird, but only if you choose to. I always say to myself, “Look, I dig this friend; he digs me, let’s give it a shot. And if it doesn’t work? We hug it out and go our separate ways.” No hard feelings, no harm done.
  10. We know each other’s baggage. We all come with some sort of baggage, and your friends know that more than anyone. So if you start dating a friend, you’re already well aware (and hopefully okay with) their crazy baggage. You don’t need to waste time explaining it, or trying to hide it. They already know all about it, so you get to own it instead!
Piper Ryan is a NYC-based writer and matchmaker who works to bring millennials who are sick of dating apps and the bar scene together in an organic and efficient way. To date, she's paired up more than 120 couples, many of whom have gone on to get married. Her work has been highlighted in The New York Times, Time Out New York, The Cut, and many more.

In addition to runnnig her own business, Piper is passionate about charity work, advocating for vulnerable women and children in her local area and across the country. She is currently working on her first book, a non-fiction collection of stories focusing on female empowerment.