Opinion: If You Got Played By A Guy, It’s Largely Your Fault

If you recently got played by yet another a-hole, you can stop the pity party right there. You might be hurt and be feeling pretty resentful about love, but as the saying goes, don’t hate the player, hate the game. The guy who screwed you over might be partially to blame, but much of the fault lies with you.

  1. You saw the warning signs. Don’t act like you didn’t see it coming. You’re smarter than that. You’ve watched enough movies, binged enough Netflix, and went through enough high school drama to know the basic signs of a player. You can hate the guy all you want, but looking back, he wasn’t as good of a liar as you led him (and yourself) to believe.
  2. You ignored your suspicions. You saw the red flags, but you chose to ignore them — why is that? Has your intuition failed you in the past? Or do you continue to fail at listening to it? You may have been hoping for the best, willing to do whatever it takes to win love in the end, but no relationship should have that many hoops.
  3. You filled in the blanks. You wanted to write your own love story, and in doing so, you fabricated a fairytale relationship that didn’t really exist. Now rethink the relationship with only the truth. Stick to the facts and the details. Is that really the story you want to tell your grandchildren about how you met their grandpa? Didn’t think so.
  4. Your friends warned you. When you refuse to see the reality of the player standing right in front of you, your friends see the truth. They want you to find love just as badly as you do, but they know what you deserve and won’t let you settle. So why didn’t you listen to them? When it comes to your love life, you don’t always know what’s best.
  5. You’ve been down this road before… and you’re not learning from your mistakes. If you get played once, shame on him, but if you get played twice, shame on you. You lived it once or twice before, so why didn’t you learn from it? Stop seeing your love life through rose-colored glasses. You can always hope for the best, but at the end of the day you need to be able to accept reality.
  6. You don’t demand respect. Come on, it’s time to get some dignity. You deserve a man who gives you the same respect and adoration you give him. Sometimes men treat you poorly because you allow them to do so, so stop making excuses for bad behavior and seek out a man who’s worthy of your love.
  7. You let your insecurities stand in the way. You’re too good for that guy and too good for his BS, so what happened? Well, the problem is that you don’t know you’re too good for him. What you need is to find a little self-confidence. You don’t have to put up with a man’s BS just so you’re not alone at the end of the day. Prince Charming is out there, so stop settling for the jester.
  8. You weren’t open about what you wanted. How does he know you’re not just interested in a hook-up if you don’t say so? Please don’t say you were expecting to change a man. There are a ton of great guys out there who are openly interested in relationships, not hook-ups. If you’re upfront and honest about exactly what you want out of a relationship, then he will be, too.
  9. You were all too happy to hand out forgiveness. How many times did he hurt you? Even if they were little things, that pain builds up — or at least it should, but instead you give him unwarranted forgiveness over and over again. He didn’t deserve it, and clearly he wasn’t even sorry. So stop forgiving the unforgivable, and instead move on to a man that brings you joy, not pain.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.