Opinion: Hopeless Romantics Are Delusional

There’s a difference between being optimistic about love and being a hopeless romantic. Those who fall into the latter category have unrealistic, naive views about relationships and go about their lives letting those views dictate and eventually destroy everything — at least I think so. The hopeless romantic might be an entertaining trope in a movie but in real life, she is sad and delusional.

  1. Hopelessness is unhealthy. Sitting around yearning for unrealistic things is stupid. Those unrealistic expectations are probably coming from unrealistic standards and neither of those things will lead to happiness or stability. Living like that will take a huge toll on your mental health and make successful dating nearly impossible, but does the hopeless romantic care enough to really notice? Probably not.
  2. Mistakes should be learned from, not repeated. Hopeless romantics never learn from their mistakes because they’re hopeless. They put themselves in harm’s way repeatedly and cling to the notion that all of their suffering will lead to romance one day. Why would that suffering lead to romance when the same destructive thing happens over and over again and no changes are made? Different results require a different strategy but the hopeless romantic will not accept that because she’s right and totally not delusional at all.
  3. Constant heartbreak should be a sign that something’s wrong. Everyone will get their heart broken at some point, but living in a constant state of heartbreak is something only hopeless romantics do. A hopeless romantic thinks that it’s normal for every attempt at dating to end in total devastation because that’s all she knows. Spending years living with that kind of misery should lead to a change in attitude, not an endless loop of self-inflicted, hopelessly romantic BS.
  4. Living in denial doesn’t prevent pain. Ignoring red flags for the sake of keeping the peace in a relationship might postpone the pending devastation for awhile but it won’t prevent it. A dysfunctional relationship is always doomed from the get-go and no amount of looking the other way will spare a hopeless romantic any pain.
  5. Being realistic is a good thing. Hopeless romantics dismiss reality as pessimism. That’s stupid. Life can be really dark sometimes and that is a cold, brutal fact. Accepting that fact makes a girl aware and prepared, not a gloomy misanthrope. When a girl dismisses stupid, hopeless expectations, it means that she’s sane and relatable. Those qualities will always beat “delusional.”
  6. Movies are fictional. Turning characters from romantic comedies into personal aspirations and standards is asinine. Movies aren’t real. An imaginative writer sat down in a room somewhere and made it all up with no regard for existent human behavior. Swooning over something for ninety whole minutes and then carrying those feelings over the border into real life is delusional. Movies are purely for entertainment, but good luck convincing a hopeless romantic of that.
  7. Flaws aren’t always minor inconveniences. Everyone is inherently flawed, but not every flaw is a cute little nuisance that can be easily placated with fancy dinners and pretty flowers. Some people are messed up and beyond help and romance will never fix that. A hopeless romantic will stick around anyway, desperately trying to be a human band-aid for someone who has no interest in fixing their own problems. Expecting such a situation to blossom into a healthy relationship “because love LOL” is delusional.
  8. Instincts should be trusted, not ignored. When a potential significant other is giving off bad vibes, that should be a signal to run the hell away, not stay and see what happens. Gut feelings bubble up to the surface for a reason and they shouldn’t be medicated like bad gas —they should be heeded. A hopeless romantic sees potential in men who shouldn’t be in her life in the first place and she is nothing short of delusional for ignoring her instincts while still hoping for the best.
  9. Standards and fantasies are completely different things. Standards are guidelines that adults use to find a compatible partner and filter out as much BS as possible in the process. Fantasies are arbitrary plans that a clueless lunatic never let go of even though they were mapped out in her imagination when she was eight. Socially functional women have standards. Delusional hopeless romantics have fantasies.
  10. Change is possible. “Hopeless romantic” doesn’t have to be a permanent state of being. Anyone can snap out of it or grow out of it at any time. This makes a hopeless romantic even more delusional because she often thinks that her futile dating situation is beyond her control. Going on an endless parade of bad dates and constantly getting into crappy relationships are both a result of choices. Choices are voluntary and bad ones are the responsibility of their maker. Choices can be changed and controlled for the better.
Lauren Clark is a writer and news curator based in Denver, Colorado with bylines here on Bolde and at Inside.com. While she’s vehemently anti-social media, you can find her on LinkedIn.