Opinion: If You Miss Being Single, You’re In The Wrong Relationship

Once you get into a relationship, many of your single girl habits necessarily fall by the wayside, but that doesn’t mean that you have to leave your whole life behind just because you have a boyfriend. In fact, if you hear yourself saying that you wish you were still rolling solo, you probably should be.

  1. You should still do the things that you love (and see the people that you love too). When you miss being single, that’s usually because you’ve basically given up everything for the person that you’re dating. Instead of meeting your best friend for brunch on Sundays like you did back in your solo days, you sleep in because that’s what your partner wants to do. Instead of making time for mystery novels or bad reality TV, you watch whatever they want to watch. While of course your life and schedule will be different once you’re sharing your life with someone, that’s no reason to stop doing the things that you love. Keep up your hobbies, make plans with friends and family, and you’ll be happier.
  2. Your relationship should be moving forward at a comfortable pace. Wishing you were still on your own might mean that you’re not cool with what’s happening in your relationship. Maybe you look back on your single life longingly because you feel that things were simpler back then. The truth is that your relationship should not only be moving forward but it should do so at a pace that makes you comfortable. If you’re fighting a lot or having problems that are getting worse, then it’s a sign that this isn’t the right relationship for you.
  3. You should feel like you can’t believe you lived without this person. It might sound melodramatic and corny AF but it’s the honest truth. You know that you’re in love when you honestly can’t believe that you could exist without this person before. You find yourself telling them about a memory and then realize that you weren’t dating when this happened… and it feels super strange. If you don’t feel this way, it makes sense that you would say that you miss being single.
  4. Your lives should be so connected it would feel weird to break up. While you want to stay strong and independent when you fall in love, you also want to merge your life with your partner’s. You want to get to know each other’s friends, have some shared hobbies, and celebrate birthdays and holidays with each other’s families. Basically, you want to feel like it would be weird to break up because you’re so happy and things are going so well. If that’s not happening, that doesn’t bode well.
  5. You should honestly look back at your single life and think it was the worst. If you don’t break out into full body hives just picturing the bad dates that you used to go on, were you even really single? Just kidding… kind of. When you’re finally in a good relationship after being single, you should feel super relieved. You want your life to feel like it’s better, not worse—and you definitely want to feel that some parts of your single life weren’t so fun (like the previously mentioned awkward dates).
  6. You could be settling for less than you deserve. It’s totally possible that you’re looking back on your solo times with rose-colored glasses because you’re actually settling. It’s easy to settle for so many reasons: you got tired of being single, you miss being part of a couple, or you like this person as a friend and figured that with more time, things would turn more romantic. It may suck to admit that you’re accepting less than you deserve, but if you were with the person that you were truly meant to be dating, you would never smile at your single days at all.
  7. You want to get excited about the future, not dwell on the past. While it’s totally normal to look back fondly on past experiences (like all that freedom you had in college without the stress of paying bills and adulting), you want to focus on the future. Being in a relationship should mean that you’re excited about what’s to come and you don’t dwell on the past. If you find yourself missing your old, single self, ask yourself why. Do you subconsciously think that this isn’t the person that you’re supposed to be with? Why don’t you feel giddy at the thought of everything that you two have ahead of you?
  8. If you miss being single, you might actually want to be single again. These days, it’s almost normal for people in relationships to complain. You go out to dinner with your friends and they say that their partner leaves dirty dishes and clothes all over the apartment, doesn’t listen to them, and whines about their family. And how many times have you heard someone say they wish they were single so they could use Tinder or other dating apps? When you say that you miss being solo, you might actually want to be single again. There’s no shame in admitting that this relationship isn’t working out. It’s better to be happily single, right?
Aya Tsintziras is a freelance lifestyle writer and editor from Toronto, Canada. In addition to writing about dating and relationships for Bolde, she also writes about movies, TV, and video games for ScreenRant and GameRant. She has a Political Science degree from the University of Toronto and a Masters of Journalism from Ryerson University. You can find her on Twitter @ayatsintziras and on Instagram @aya.tsintziras.