Opinion: If You Ignored The Red Flags, Your Heartbreak Is Your Fault

Opinion: If You Ignored The Red Flags, Your Heartbreak Is Your Fault ©iStock/martin-dm

The red flags were practically smacking you across the face, leaving a heavy mark as he broke your heart piece by piece until you were permanently scarred. You saw the warning signs and you ignored them and risked it all for love. It was never going to work out, and you only have yourself to blame for it.

  1. The signs were right in front of you. You obviously saw them, so why the hell did you ignore them? You weren’t blind to his dark side, you chose to be, so don’t pretend like you were an innocent bystander. Accept responsibility for the part you played in your own heartbreak.
  2. Deep down, you knew what was going to happen. You knew exactly what you were getting yourself into and you did it anyway. You weren’t blinded by love, because love at first sight is BS. You had the chance to run before anything happened, but you chose to stick it out until all hell broke loose. Don’t you wish you wouldn’t have listened to your first instinct?
  3. You’re too preoccupied with changing him… When really you should be focused on changing yourself — at least when it comes to dating. You’re not a bad person, you just have poor taste. You’ve picked up a bad habit of thinking you can change a bad boy into a good guy. It’s obviously not working and in the end, it’s hurting you. Stop inflicting your own wounds.
  4. You were desperate to be different. You saw what he did to other girls, but you desperately wanted to be better than them. Why is your love life a competition? You need to stop comparing yourself to everyone else and start worrying about yourself. Sure, you need to be open to love, but you also need to protect yourself from the obvious heartbreakers.
  5. You chose Mr. Wrong over being single. You were so afraid to be single that you ignored the fact that this guy wasn’t good for you. What’s so wrong with being a single, independent woman? Is it really better to be with the wrong guy than to be alone? Settling out of the fear of loneliness is weak. Being single shows strength. Unless you realize that, you’ll never be ready for a real relationship.
  6. You chose to be dumb in love. Come on, you’re a smart girl, so why were you playing dumb? The red flags were obvious, but you pretended to be blind. You’re better than this, better than him, so stop allowing yourself to be a victim. You’re not a damsel in distress. For once, save yourself.
  7. You’re too afraid of the good guy. Not that he’ll hurt you, but that you’ll be bored. Happily ever after just sounds boring. The entertainment is all in the drama, and the bad boys sure know how to bring the drama. What you don’t realize is that when you’re truly happy, you’ll never be bored. Give up the drama and face your fears, or you’ll never know how true happiness really feels.
  8. You secretly like the risk. You get off on the fact that you can’t trust the bad boy. The good guy is a safe choice, but you want the thrill of something risky. You knew the stakes were high, but you rolled the dice anyway. Fate just wasn’t in your favor, and now you have no one to blame for your heartbreak but you.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.