Opinion: Some People Shouldn’t Find Love

If you’re single, you’ve probably heard someone tell you that your Mr. (or Ms.) Right is out there somewhere. Unfortunately, there are people out there who probably shouldn’t find love, nor will they likely ever find themselves in a solid relationship. It may sound terrible, but considering the shortage of good people out there, it’s pretty obvious that some will (and should) stay single.

  1. If you can’t function as a person, you won’t be able to have a healthy relationship. There are a lot of people out there who can’t actually behave like a fully functional individual. They can’t hold a job, they can’t seem to keep any stable friendships, or they are just too emotionally unstable to survive on their own. If you can’t actually live a normal life on your own, how can you have a healthy love life?
  2. If you abuse or use people, you do not deserve to find love, nor should you bother trying. It doesn’t matter what excuse you have in your arsenal. If your favorite things to do include hurting others, controlling them, or using them for your own personal gain, you deserve to be alone. Abusers, if they had any respect for others’ well-being, would never even broach the subject of dating with anyone.
  3. If you’re a serial cheater, you shouldn’t find monogamous love. Seriously, some people are not meant for committed relationships, nor are they made for monogamy. Just accept it, and deal with it. You shouldn’t try to be monogamous if monogamy isn’t in your blood. Polyamory and FWB situations are options, though — as long as it’s something your partner actually agrees to rather than it being something you do behind their back.
  4. Super shallow people shouldn’t find love. Everyone, to a point, is shallow. This is just the nature of human beings. However, there’s a difference between the typical level of superficiality and an extremely shallow individual. If you’re the type of person who would break up with someone after they age or gain 10 pounds, you probably will not have a relationship that lasts forever. In fact, people who are that shallow tend to not actually ever experience the emotional aspects of love at all.
  5. Unless you learn to overcome your bitterness about the opposite sex, you shouldn’t bother trying to find love. People who are consumed by bitterness will always have that bitterness seep into their interactions with others. Simply put, there’s no way to hide the fact that you’re seething with anger. Bitterness tends to make self-fulfilling prophecies, and that in turn wrecks your ability to make a relationship be a positive experience.
  6. If 99% of your waking life is spent at work, you’re probably not going to find love. Unless your lover is a professional contact of yours, there’s not really going to be enough time for you to actually date and romance in your life.
  7. Over-entitled people might be able to get people interested in them during the short term, but the fact is that they typically don’t keep long-term relationships. Simply put, if you feel like you deserve the world but refuse to actually give anything back, you might have some short term luck. However, karma is a real thing. People will eventually see you for who you are, and will realize that they shouldn’t have to bend over backwards just to please you. That’s why most people with this issue end up alone later on in life.
  8. If you put up walls around yourself, you won’t be able to find love. Some people are just scared of love. They are scared of what could happen to them, so they close themselves off to the opportunity of finding the love of their lives. In this case, it’s not that you shouldn’t find love. It’s that you shouldn’t find love while you’re still struggling with this issue. Open up. Embrace love. It really isn’t that bad.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a New Jersey based writer and editor with bylines in Mashed, Newsbreak, Good Men Project, YourTango, and many more. She’s also the author of a safe travel guide for LGBTQIA+ people available on Amazon.

She regularly writes on her popular Medium page and posts on TikTok and Instagram @ossianamakescontent.