Opinion: Relationships Can Survive Without Sex (At Least For A While)

Opinion: Relationships Can Survive Without Sex (At Least For A While) ©iStock/Grandriver

What’s a relationship without sex?  Two different studies set out to answer that question, with surprising results. The first determined that waiting for sex until after love is expressed leads to a more positive relationship, while the second study showed couples were 20% more satisfied in their relationships and also 15% happier with their later sex lives simply by waiting a while. In other words, your relationship can still blossom without having sex. In fact, sometimes waiting works out best.

  1. Sex isn’t everything. No, it’s not the most important thing in a relationship. In fact, couples can be perfectly happy without it. If all you have is sex, your just each other’s booty calls and nothing more. Why do you think couples who can’t physically have sex are able to stay together? There’s more involved than the physical.
  2. You’re forced to face your issues. I almost lost someone I love because we chose sex over talking about our issues. Fun at first, but disastrous later. It took stopping sex altogether and focusing on fixing us to save the relationship. Everything could’ve been avoided just by waiting for a while to begin with.
  3. You have to spend real time together. Sex is fun and intimate, but you can’t really talk or learn about each other. Are you compatible outside the bedroom? Couples who spend time together doing other things can be even happier than those having sex all the time.
  4. You talk far more often. When you can’t get wild and then fall asleep, you have to actually talk to each other. Communication is key to any lasting relationship. Why not start now? Sex can definitely wait.
  5. You build a stronger foundation. Sex sometimes turns into a distraction, weapon and/or problem in a relationship. The earlier this happens, the harder it is to build a strong foundation for the relationship to last. It’s better to work on getting to know each other, building trust and realizing you have more in common than a great physical connection.
  6. You make clearer decisions. Nothing quite clouds our judgment like sex. Think about that random hookup you fell for? Sex did that. Eliminate sex and you make better decisions for you and your relationship. I know it definitely changed how I thought.
  7. You learn other forms of intimacy. Intimacy is important in a relationship, but sex is just one of the millions of different little things you can do. Learn other forms of intimacy and build a deeper connection than you ever thought possible.
  8. You both realize what’s most important. Giving a great BJ or making a woman orgasm shouldn’t be top priorities in a relationship. Building a lasting friendship, learning to trust each other and enjoying each other’s company are what’s most important. It’s one of the main reasons a sexless or delayed sex relationship survives so well.
  9. Sex often causes stress in relationships. It’s all fun and games until someone gets knocked up or contracts an incurable STD. Of course, there’s the wondering if there’s anything more to the relationship. Imagine skipping all this stress. I love not having to stress at all about pregnancy while still spending time with my best friend.
  10. You feel more confident about your relationship. I remember always worrying about how my boyfriend would feel if I bloated before my period or what if I forgot to shave. I not only felt insecure about how I looked, but whether he liked me for me or just my body. Turns out not having sex made me feel more confident about myself and us. Yeah, it was a big surprise to me too.
  11. You have something to look forward to. Whether you stop having it or wait to have it, odds are, you’ll be having it at some point in the future. Remember how excited you were as a virgin? You get all that excitement again, except this time you know you’ll be with the right person.
  12. It prepares you for the future. It’s no secret that sex isn’t as frequent as you get older, especially for long term or married couples. Life just gets in the way. If you’re not having sex now, you already know sex isn’t the most important thing and you’re better able to juggle life and a relationship without worrying about the physical.
  13. It’s a quick way to see if it’s love or not. I was worried when I said no more sex. What if I was wrong and we really weren’t compatible? Cut out sex or wait for a long time to have it. If it’s love, the relationship will survive with no problems (well expect maybe blue balls now and then). If it’s not, it’ll be over and you won’t waste your time.
  14. You can still have a little fun. I didn’t say you had to be saints. Go ahead and makeout. Round a few bases. Think about all the fun things you did before you actually had sex. You release the tension without going all the way. It’s well worth it to give your relationship the best chance possible.
  15. Think abstinence is ridiculous? Try it for a while. Make plans to do other things together. You might be surprised at how much closer it brings you.
Crystal Crowder is a freelance writer and blogger. She's a tech geek at heart, but loves telling it like it is when it comes to love, beauty and style. She's enjoys writing music, poetry and fiction and curling up with a great book. You can find her on Twitter @ccrowderwrites or check out her other writing on Medium.