Opinion: Sex On The First Date Is A Recipe For Disaster

While I totally support women’s right to do anything they want to do with their bodies—and yes, that includes sleeping with whoever they want whenever they want—I personally could never have sex with someone on the first date. In fact, if you’re looking for a long-term relationship, I think it’s one of the worst possible decisions you can make.

If it’s meant to be, what’s the rush?

If the person you’re on a date with is so attractive to you and the chemistry is so intense right away, that likely means you’ll want to see each other again. If that’s the case, why do you need to have sex tonight? Why not wait and let that chemistry and the sexual tension build so that the release is even better? I love that push and pull with a guy when we know we totally want to rip each other’s clothes off but we don’t give into it on the first night. When we finally do get down to business, it’s even more incredible.

Guys shouldn’t get the payoff without putting in the work.

I value myself and I want any guy I’m dating to feel the same. If I hop into bed with a dude just because he bought me dinner, I’m perpetuating the idea that I’m easily bought. Obviously this doesn’t matter if you’re literally looking for a casual hookup—more power to you if that’s the case—but I want a long-term partner and I need to see if the guy is in it for more than just one night.

STDs are always a serious concern.

Any time you have sex, you should be having safe sex. I’m on birth control and I always ensure the guy I’m with uses a condom, even if we’ve been together for a little while, until we’ve both been tested. One night of probably mediocre sex is not worth a trip to my gynecologist’s office and months of antibiotics (if I’m lucky). I’ll pass.

Intimacy should be taken seriously.

There’s something to be said for one-night stands and casual sex. I’ve had both and enjoyed them, but I know how much better I’ve felt about the whole thing when I knew the guy I was sleeping with understood the intimacy we were sharing rather than just seeing the whole affair as an easy way to get laid.

Sex is better when there’s more of a bond between you.

This has been true every time in my opinion. The more I know my partner when we finally get down to business, the better we connect between the sheets. He’s more likely to know what I like, what I don’t, and how to truly care for me. In other words, I’m more than just a soft body—I’m me and he sees me for who I am. That makes the sex out of this world.

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