Opinion: You Shouldn’t Get Married In Your 20s

I’m in my 20s, and there’s no way in hell I’m prepared to get married. Even if I met the perfect guy tomorrow who was everything I’d ever dreamed of and more, I’m just not ready for that kind of commitment. I don’t think I’m alone in that, either — your 20s are a time to learn about yourself and to build a life for yourself that sustains and fulfills you. That doesn’t mean you can’t date during that decade because you definitely should, but I think getting married in your 20s is a terrible idea. Here’s why:

  1. You don’t know who you are. How can you get married when you don’t know who you are yet? I know some of you are getting super defensive, thinking, “Who the hell is she to tell me I don’t know myself?” Calm down — it’s not a bad thing. You CAN’T know who you are yet — you haven’t lived enough life yet. You have too many things to experience, too many identities to try on before you see which one fits you best. You’ve got way more soul searching to do. This identity may be in love with Brian, but your next one may want a David —  it’s too early to tell.
  2. You already have too much going on. Your 20s are a tricky time because they’re all about making tough decisions. If you’re not picking a major for college, you’re deciding on a living situation or a job — it’s like you’re an adult or something! With everything that’s going on, why add more to your plate? All relationships bring to the table is drama and you have enough stress right now. If you try to do it all, you’re going to have to half-ass SOMETHING, and that’s never good. Wait until your ducks are in a row before you start searching for Mr. Right.
  3. It’s your time to be spontaneous. Being single in your 20s means you don’t have to answer to anyone but yourself. If you want to go into a Netflix hibernation for two weeks, you can do that! If you want to randomly move to another state, you can do that too. You can literally do whatever the hell you want — how many married people can say that? None! Marriage means major responsibilities and having to consider another person’s feelings — sounds lame! Your 20s may be one of the only times in your life when you’re not restricted by anything, so take advantage of that.
  4. Your emotions all over the place. Your 20s aren’t that different from your teenage years in that your feelings change from one day to the next. One minute you’re thinking about settling down and the next you’re planning a solo trip around the world — that’s the beauty of being young. Getting married means being with that one person for the rest of your life and it’s a bit early to make that kind of decision. Your 20s are about being wild and free —  you can change your mind whenever you want to!
  5. Marriage is not adulting. People keep telling you that you’re an adult, but you probably don’t feel like one quite yet. Granted, you don’t feel like a kid either — it’s an awkward stage that every young adult goes through. It’s easy to want to do something that’ll make you feel like an actual grown-up and since you’ve already filled your body with tattoos and bought copious amounts of alcohol, getting married seems to be the natural next option, right? Trust me, it’s not! Go to work, drink wine on the weekdays, and spend way too much time in Costco — that’s the true definition of #adulting!
  6. Your 20s are for dating. Dates, dates, and more dates — it’s time to become a serial dater! You’re smart, educated, and more importantly, you look bomb as hell. I’m not saying you’ll look horrible in your 30s, but these are your formative HOT years — don’t waste them! Take this time to shop around the guy market — it’s the only way you’ll really be able to know what you like and what you don’t. I can’t say this enough: YOU NEED TO DATE IN YOUR 20s. It’s a crucial part of growing up.
  7. Your finances aren’t the best. Face it, the state of your finances are not pretty at the moment. How could they not be? They didn’t exactly teach you what a “student loan” was in college. There’s nothing wrong with not having money at this age — embrace your poverty! Your 20s are basically the only time it’ll ever be acceptable to have your parents pay your monthly gym membership or your cell phone bill. (Hey, times are tough and we’re all struggling!) Getting married in your 20s means adding more payments to your already heavy stack of unpaid bills. You won’t just be broke, you’ll be broke with your husband — sounds like a recipe for disaster.
  8. Divorce is very common. Honestly, the divorce rate is way too high to be rushing into a marriage with someone you’ve only been dating for a couple of years. I know a two-year relationship sounds like a long time, but it’s not — especially at this age. You haven’t experienced enough life yet to know what you need in a partner. I get it, you’re in love and you think you’ve found your person. If that’s really the case, why do you need to get married now? Pump the breaks and hold off saying “I do” — if he’s really your soulmate, he’ll still be there in a few years.
  9. You’re trying to find a career. The job market is already scarce — especially when employees want you to have three to five years’ experience for an entry level position (like, what?!). If you’re married, you’ll have even fewer choices! You won’t be able to explore different jobs because you’ll need a specific job — one that pays the bills and offers a dental and health plan. Plus, if your husband already has a job in Chicago, you won’t be able to up and move to Arizona. Your 20s are about finding yourself, and that means finding your career — you can’t afford to let anyone or anything influence your decisions.
  10. You need to learn to be okay alone. If it wasn’t obvious, I’m against getting married so early on in life. Marrying in your 20s means never knowing what it’s like to be alone. If later on in life (god forbid) your relationship does end, you won’t know how to handle being by yourself. I mean, how could you? You spent your self-exploration years exploring your relationship, not yourself! In my opinion, women need to be comfortable simply being alone before embarking on a relationship.
Jordan White is a writer based in Scottsdale, Arizona with more than 8 years of experience. She graduated from Northern Arizona University with a degree in Rhetoric and Creative Writing in 2015 and while there, she wrote for The Daily Wildcat. She has since written for sites including FanBread, and, of course, Bolde. You can find about more her on Facebook. She has a passion for giving her audience something to laugh about and despises the heat more than anything.