Opinion: Women Aren’t Responsible For Shielding A Guy’s Ego

Opinion: Women Aren’t Responsible For Shielding A Guy’s Ego ©iStock/PeopleImages

From the time we’re young, we’re taught that we, as women, should let a guy down super gently when we don’t return their feelings or want to end a relationship. We’re told that we should always be extra nice to guys, regardless of their intentions, because that’s the right thing to do. BS! Guys may be hurt or pissed off by rejection, but the fact is, we’re not responsible for shielding a guy’s ego.

  1. Everyone gets rejected. Girls get rejected, too, you know. It’s not like we don’t know it sucks, so why do guys act as if we don’t? Rejection is a part of life. Part of life is also learning how to take it like a champ. If a guy can’t handle rejection, he shouldn’t ask a woman out.
  2. Self-esteem is your own responsibility, regardless of your gender. Will you get told hurtful things in your life? Absolutely. It’s part of living.  However, we can’t wait for someone else to give us a self-esteem. It has to come from within, and if you have it, rejection won’t hurt as much.
  3. Guys aren’t usually gentle when it comes to rejecting girls, either. Do guys ever try to let girls down gently? Yes, but not always. In fact, most men are pretty douchey about it. I’ve been told that I was too fat for a guy’s taste. I’ve been told I was too promiscuous for a guy to date. Guys aren’t gentle. I’m not going to pull punches when they wouldn’t do the same for me.
  4. While manners are a must, the problem is that a lot of guys don’t understand the word “no” unless it’s said harshly and/or bluntly. Here’s a big problem I’ve run into while I actually cared about dating: there’s a lot of people who don’t take no for an answer unless you get really direct with them. We live in a culture where guys think that a girl rejecting them means that it’s more of a challenge. By getting just a bit mean with them, they’ll undoubtedly get the drift.
  5. A little meanness also keeps them from lashing out in anger. Guys often flip out when girls reject them, but only if they think it will make the girl cry. If a girl shuts him down in a surprisingly mean way, he already knows that you don’t care how you come across. In other words, it makes you someone he doesn’t want to mess with.
  6. Being blunt and cutting rejection talks short also prevents them for trying to argue with you about it. Another common practice of guys these days is trying to talk a girl into giving him a chance. When a guy tries to open up a dialogue with you, getting blunt and possibly even having a “no holds barred” attitude will quickly shut that down.
  7. Coddling people is what allows them to behave badly in the first place. Here’s the plain and simple truth about most people: the more leeway you give them, the worse they’ll behave with you. A large part of me really does feel like the reason men are crappy today is because they were coddled into thinking that there are no consequences for their behavior when they approach a girl in a tacky, mannerless way. By cutting that short, you’re doing your part in ending douchey behavior later on.
  8. Direct rejection is still nicer than ghosting. It’s true. Ghosting sucks, and it’s more aggravating than just blunt rejection. By being direct about it, you’re making it clear that you’re not going to lead him on.
  9. Being just slightly mean might actually be a wakeup call for some guys. A lot of guys don’t know what they’re doing wrong in dating until someone tells them. If you’re blunt enough to say, “I don’t date guys who don’t have good hygiene,” it could be the wakeup call they need.
  10. If anything, being straight up about your stance will force people to respect you. You want to be the kind of person that people always know where they stand with. It allows you to be more respected. It’s a sign that you’re honest, and in today’s player-filled world, that honesty makes you a lot rarer than you think.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a New Jersey based writer and editor with bylines in Mashed, Newsbreak, Good Men Project, YourTango, and many more. She’s also the author of a safe travel guide for LGBTQIA+ people available on Amazon.

She regularly writes on her popular Medium page and posts on TikTok and Instagram @ossianamakescontent.