I’m Over Being Treated Badly & I’m Done Making Excuses for Guys

I’m Over Being Treated Badly & I’m Done Making Excuses for Guys ©iStock/SanneBerg

I’m married now, but back in my dating days, I got ignored by guys a lot. I’m not a clingy girl by any means, but being completely blown off when a guy could have taken five seconds to text was something I legit started to think all guys did. I’d tell myself that I shouldn’t be mad and that it was no big deal, but that’s BS. I deserved way better than that. Everyone does. But there’s a big gap in time between realizing you’re a victim of this crappy behavior and actually getting over the guy. We have to speed up that process, and the best way to start is to stop making these excuses for loser guys who don’t deserve it.

  1. “He’s just busy.”  Everyone gets busy, but acknowledging you really doesn’t take too long at all — it could be as simple as a heart emoji. If he’s gotten to know you well, he’s probably picked up on the fact that behaviors like these are somewhat of a turn-off for you. Then again, if he knows how deeply infatuated you are with him, he might just assume that he can get away with shoving you aside when it’s convenient for him. Don’t give him that power.
  2. “It’s my problem — I need to back off.” As mentioned, there’s a difference between being clingy and wanting respect. If you’re not texting him a billion times per day, you’re in the clear. Unless he specifically told you that he’s not the type of person who’s attached to his cellphone (and that’s doubtful, since it’s 2016), you have a reason to be a little offended.
  3. “This is just a misunderstanding.” Okay, so pretend that you really want Chinese food. You’ve been dreaming about it all week, and Friday is the day you two are planning to grab some General Tso’s. As Friday afternoon approaches, your guy tells you that you’re going to get subs instead. There’s not a lot of debate — subs it is. This is your guy pretty much overruling your wants and needs. You can tell yourself over and over again that he may have misunderstood your food mood, but he didn’t. He didn’t even offer up a discussion about the decision. If this sounds familiar, you need to get over this guy pronto. He won’t act this way only during dinner dates — he’ll control the entire relationship.
  4. “I know he cares about me based on other things.” You feel constantly snubbed, but you remember the fact that once, two weeks ago, he noticed (and complimented!) your new dress. Let me put it this way: if someone got two questions right out of ten, he failed the test. While no guy is perfect, you deserve to be with someone that’d get a passing grade. Best way to get over this guy quickly? Focus on those eight he got wrong.
  5. “I’m lucky to have him regardless.” Listen,”being in someone’s league” is kind of a high school approach to dating. If you think you’re out of his league but he chose you anyway, clinging onto this terrible relationship will be more hurtful the longer it continues. What really matters is that you treat him like a decent human and show him love and respect. If he can’t do the same for you, he’s actually leagues below you. You need to think better of yourself.
  6. “Eventually he’ll apologize.” In your head, he’ll treat you like garbage for awhile, but then wake up and suddenly treat you like a queen for sticking around during his “phase” of “not knowing what he truly had.” This only happens in movies. And if it does happen, he’ll be back to his jerk ways soon enough since he knows that a weak apology will be enough for you. Unless he actually takes serious measures, like perhaps going to therapy to work out his issues, you’re being played.
  7. “All guys do this.” They don’t. Get over this guy and find someone who values both you and your time. Next.
  8. “I can handle this — he might be The One!” You want him to be “The One” since you’re super into him, but he isn’t. He’s not ready to have a “One.” If he was, it’d be natural for him to not treat you like garbage. Remember to remind yourself that yes, you deserve better, and no, he’s really not as great as you’ve built him up to be.
Karen Belz is a New Jersey native who is currently living in Maryland. She has a Bachelor’s Degree in Speech Communication with a focus in Broadcasting and Print Media Studies from Millersville University of Pennsylvania. Since graduating, she has written for sites like LittleThings, HelloGiggles, and Scary Mommy and is currently an e-commerce editor at Bustle.

When she's not writing, she enjoys making her phone run out of memory after taking too many photos of her dog. You can find her on Twitter @karenebelz or on Instagram @karenbelz.