I spent many years being a serial dater and the harmful patterns I developed back then can still creep up on me sometimes. I don’t want to date out of habit, I want to date with intention. So, I’m taking a break to give my love life a breather.
So far, nothing has worked out very well.
There have been lessons, growth, and beautiful moments, but there hasn’t been anyone who’s stuck around for the long-term. I’m not saying that relationships not working out are entirely my fault, but I’m saying that it’s a good idea to give my ways of dating a break.
I think I burned myself out.
I think there’s such a thing as going too hard in dating. Last year, I must have gone on a couple dozen first dates. I tried very hard to find “The One.” All that energy expended now has me totally exhausted. I think if I had a date anytime soon, I’d show up in sweatpants. That’s how I know it’s time for me to hit the pause button to regather my energy.
I’m giving myself some space and time to heal.
I may not have jumped from one relationship to another, but too often I used rebounds when they weren’t actually helpful. I was impulsive about sex and dating so that I could quell the loneliness of the last breakup. The problem with this behavior is that I’m only piling on the ache, I’m not actually letting myself heal. Taking a break now is giving myself that space and time I need to feel all my feelings. Once I move through my feelings, I’ll be more emotionally available.
Insight needs space to arise.
The thing about learning different patterns of mine is that I often need to sit in reflection to do so. I can’t do this if I’m always chasing the next person. If I want insight about my past heartbreak to arise, I need to give myself the alone time in order to hear it.
There are a few dating patterns I need to take a closer look at in order to break.
Who wants to admit that they really have some work on themselves that they need to do? Not me, that’s not fun or sexy. In reality, though, I’m a human and I have unhelpful patterns just like the rest of the human race. If I want these patterns to keep negatively impacting my relationships, I can go ahead and ignore them by continuing to date. Instead, I’m pumping the brakes on my dating life and I’m doing the work to take a deep look at my baggage.
Online dating apps became a compulsion.
The problem with being addicted to a behavior is that if the pattern is done over and over again, it can turn into a compulsion. This meant that I was using online dating apps even when I didn’t want to, when I knew it was a bad idea, and when it was harmful to me and others. Once something gets to the point of being a compulsion, it’s really important that I take a total break from it. That’s what I’m doing, putting down the swiping for a bit.
My life is pretty up in the air right now.
I have a ton going on in my life right now. Honestly, things are all over the place. It’s not a bad thing, it’s just that I’ve made some big decisions and I’m doing some reworking of how I live. I want to say that now’s a good a time as ever to date, but really my reconstruction of my life needs to take priority. Dating is taking a backseat.
I’m too sensitive to deal with the turbulence and unpredictability right now.
As a result of the big changes in my life that have happened recently, I’m incredibly sensitive. I tried dating someone and when it didn’t work out, I was very upset. It caused a bigger ripple in my life than it would have if I didn’t have so much going on. I really just don’t have the emotional currency to deal with dating’s inevitable ups and downs right now. The dating process is naturally turbulent, even in the healthiest of situations. I actually need that energy to focus on me.
Always being on the lookout for “The One” is exhausting.
The thing about actively dating and doing so in sort of a frantic way is that I was always looking for “The One.” Everywhere I went, I was scanning the room for someone who could be my next lover. It was f*cking exhausting, really. Taking a break from dating means I’m putting this behavior on the shelf. I’m giving it up for now. Instead, I’m attempting to walk through my life just interacting with people as if they were normal human beings (because they are).
I’m going to leave the work up to the universe/God.
It’s a tremendously hard practice of faith to trust fate in relationships. I don’t like to leave things up to the universe/God, but admittedly they often turn out 10 times better than if I had orchestrated the whole thing myself. I’m going to leave dating, relationships, being single, everything really, up to fate. I’m going to stop meddling and just let it be.
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