My Paranoia That I’m A Bad Girlfriend Is Turning Into A Self-Fulfilling Prophecy

I’m apparently “better off single“—at least that’s what a majority of my exes have told me. I’ve heard that line so many times that I’m starting to believe it. I’m constantly stressing that my not-so-good characteristics actually do make me a crappy partner, but I’m trying to remember that’s not the case.

I like to be the center of attention. I’m pretty much the definition of a Leo. I would never cheat on someone or anything like that, but I do enjoy all eyes being on me and I can’t seem to shake my need to be in the spotlight at all times. With that said, I do know how to read a room. If someone’s talking, I’m not going to cut them off and interject. I’m not that rude.

I sweat the small stuff. Little things really get on my nerves, but unlike those who can ignore people’s annoying little quirks, I can’t. I have to talk it out. It’s important that I express my feelings to other people, even if they don’t want to hear it. I’m honest to a fault, which I personally think is one of my best qualities.

I don’t trust people easily. It takes a very, very long time for me to trust someone. That’s not the problem, though. The issue is that people can tell very clearly that I don’t trust them. I don’t tell people everything and I keep secrets but it’s not because I’m sketchy! I just don’t believe two people can keep a secret, and since I know my own secrets, I can’t tell someone else unless I want it to get out into the public. Make sense?

I name drop my ex pretty often. It’s not like I say his name in the middle of sex (it’s not like he was great in bed anyway) and I don’t drop his name because I miss him. I drop his name to remind myself of how non-beneficial that relationship was for me so I hopefully don’t make a similar mistake in the future.

I’m too indecisive. I think I want something until I actually get it and then I realize I might not have wanted it in the first place. The chase turns me on and so does not knowing exactly what I’m interested in. A part of me wants to really sit down and spend time cleaning out the cobwebs in my brain, but another part of me is like, “Nah.” Ignorance is bliss, and I like the spontaneity I bring to my life and others.

I ask a lot of questions. Maybe it’s the writer in me, but when people talk, I want to visualize what they’re telling me. I want to be able to see what they saw, almost as if I was there when it happened.  My exes thought it was annoying that I asked a million and one “irrelevant” questions but it was my way of showing how much I care about their story.

I’m very demanding. I like what I like. I’m accustomed to a certain lifestyle (and yes, I’m aware of how bougie that sounds), but that doesn’t mean I judge others or force people to do things they’re strongly against. I’m more of a pusher, I guess. I want the best out of people so I ask a few too many questions and have maybe a touch too high of expectations, but it’s for their own good.

I always play devil’s advocate. Even if we both have similar values, I’m going to play as if I have an opposing belief, not just to be extra but to have a scholarly discussion! I don’t ever want to be insanely biased and I don’t want my partner to be either. Sure, my constant “what ifs” might be annoying, but at least I challenge people to think. I’m basically a professor with none of the experience or education.

I have two personalities. I’m either all over my boyfriend to the point that I’m basically a stage 10 clinger or I’m way too independent to even be considered a girlfriend. I go between these two, equally dramatic personalities but I think that’s what makes me a good girlfriend. I’ll love you like crazy but I’ll also let you do your own thing.

I’m a natural born homebody. While other people might like to go out and have fun, I live my best life sitting at home doing nothing. My exes couldn’t stand my homebody tendencies, especially because when I did go out, I was a blast—life of the freakin’ party. I hated it. If anything, I think that makes me a great girlfriend. No guy will ever have to worry about me making bad drunk decisions. You’re welcome!

I’m not all that romantic. PDA isn’t really my jam and I’m also not a huge fan of showing affection in private. (Fun fact: I typically end up dating romantics so we balance each other out.) Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a sociopath who hates love. I show my romantic side when I’m really feeling it, which I think is better because when I do show it, people know I really mean it!

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