I never thought I’d have to choose between my family or my boyfriend until my parents forced me to because they didn’t like him. It was a tough choice to make, but in the end, I chose my boyfriend and I don’t regret it.
Some sacrifices are just too big to make.
The choice wasn’t as easy as it sounds. I had to think about all I’d be losing: an entire life, people who have known me my whole life because they raised me to be the woman I am today. I’m not going to lie, the decision broke me. It’s still breaking me but it had to be made. My family was obviously a huge part of my life for decades and I couldn’t pretend that I wasn’t hurt by the choice they forced me to make.
My parents were trying to control my happiness.
Giving me an ultimatum to stop seeing my boyfriend or else I’d no longer be welcome in my parents’ lives felt extremely manipulative. It showed they didn’t care if I was happy or not so long as I followed their wishes and did whatever they asked.
I’m an adult and can make my own decisions.
I refuse to be treated like a child who doesn’t know what’s best for myself and my life. My parents no longer get to decide who I can or cannot have a relationship with. I’m a grown woman and I intend to live my life as one. Even if I make mistakes or things don’t work out with my boyfriend, in the end, I’ll be OK with that because I made the choices that led me to that point.
They hated my boyfriend so there was no compromise.
From the start or the relationship, my parents didn’t approve of my boyfriend because he had wildly different worldviews compared to theirs. They’re big Christians and he’s an atheist. They think he’s bad news even though he’s responsible, has a great job, and stays out of trouble. I can’t get them to change their minds about him so I stopped trying to and just avoided them.
I loved him too much to be fine with letting him go.
My boyfriend wasn’t just some guy I was having a fling with—we have a full and wonderful relationship and we love each other dearly. Giving him up would have been like giving up a limb or air. He makes me impossibly happy. I don’t believe in soulmates but I love him in a way I didn’t know was possible until I met him. I just can’t throw that all away because my family doesn’t like us together.
The constant disapproval was driving me crazy.
In a way, it was a good thing that I had to cut off ties with my parents because they refused to shut up about the fact that my relationship didn’t have their blessing. They criticized everything my boyfriend did and they constantly tried to set me up with other men. It became so overwhelming that I started missing family gatherings and visits to avoid having to hear any more.
I’m done trying to live my life to please my parents.
I know that I owe a lot to my family and deep down they only want the best for me. This disapproval of my relationship is their way of trying to protect me even though I’m not in any kind of danger. However, I’m not going to endure a lifetime of sadness and hurt just to please them. They needed to understand that they could have a say in my life but not the say. In the end, it’s up to me to do whatever I want.
People kept trying to make me feel like I’d betrayed my family.
For several weeks after I walked out on my parents to be with my boyfriend, I kept getting calls and texts from friends if the family asking me what the hell I thought I was doing. They judged and berated me like I’d done something utterly despicable. They’d say he’s just a guy, he’s not worth losing your family over and that you can always find love but family is forever. Spare me the sermons! I stand by what I did and I won’t apologize for it.
I want their approval but it’s my life—I’m putting me first.
My plan was not for my parents to feel discarded or irrelevant in my life. I care about what they think and I want to listen to their opinions about stuff that’s going on in my life, but that’s not an excuse for them to attempt to live my life for me. I have to consider what’s best for me and my choices can’t and won’t always please them. If they can’t get behind that, I’m always going to be sacrificing them for something else that I want.
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