All partners fight — it’s natural and healthy if it’s done correctly. Usually, the fight will lead to some sort of compromise, or an understanding that simply wasn’t obvious before the arguing began. Other times, the two of you will realize that you’re both frustrated about something else and taking it out on each other. That said, there are some arguments that simply shouldn’t happen because they’re a waste of time.
How they’re treating you versus how they treated an ex
If you’re dating someone who might have been engaged or even married before, it’s hard not to look at your timeline and see how it compares. But the second you start getting angry because he proposed to Girl X after two years while you’ve been dating for three, you’re in for bumpy roads ahead. Not every relationship is meant to have the same path. Getting jealous will only hurt your relationship.
Anything regarding who moved what
He left the milk out and now it’s curdled. It sucks to find that out two seconds after pouring yourself a bowl of cereal, but it is what it is. You can be disappointed with your partner, but getting into a fight over an honest mistake isn’t the way to make things change. The same goes for lost keys or a misplaced bag. Instead of telling your partner how they “always lose things,” work with them on a better way to stay organized.
Whether or not they “really love you”
Maybe you’ve been feeling a little lonely and dejected. You might use the time to reflect on your relationship. When you’re already in a dark place, you’re only going to remember the highlight reel of the bad things your partner did or said. You’ll completely forget about the good. Your partner may not be the best match ever, but instead of trying to accuse them of something so powerful like lack of love, take a deep breath and figure out if you’re projecting something onto your relationship. Book a nice weekend getaway together and see how they respond.
Where to eat
When was the last time you went somewhere that had nothing on the menu you could eat? Unless you follow a vegetarian diet (or have a food allergy), there’s always something to be had. We have plenty of meals to plan in our future. Getting in a huge fight over whether or not you should order in or go out is literally pointless.
What to watch on TV
Television is a personal experience, and there’s a good chance that you don’t like all of the same things. This is where compromise comes in. Try to watch something you might not be into otherwise, and give it a chance. Have your partner do the same. This is how people discover unexpected favorites.
Who is more tired or more stressed
Both of you had tough days. Instead of trying to bicker over who has it harder, maybe you can just order a pizza, watch a movie, and try to relax together. These things shouldn’t be competitions. It’s important to acknowledge each other when they talk about having a hard day, but saying something like, “You think that’s tough? Listen to what I did” is bound to start a fight about nothing.
Who does an equally shared chore more
If there’s a chore you both do, like cleaning the toilet, it’s pointless to try and keep tabs on who does it more unless you’re sure they’ve completely abandoned ship. You should be working as a team. Sometimes in a team, you need to pick up someone else’s slack. If you need more from them, a simple conversation will work a lot better than exploding on them. Just say “I know you’ve been stressed, but would you mind cleaning the toilet?” and see how they respond from there.
Eating the last of unclaimed food
This is a tough one. If you have leftovers from a particular meal you had outside the house, you have claim to that. But if you were planning on eating the last yogurt and your partner got to it first, you have no case in this fight. They can’t read your mind over whether or not you wanted it. You have a right to be frustrated, but next time, remember to speak up and take a claim before something gets eaten.
If you share a home, this one can get tricky. When you’re by yourself, feel free to set the thermostat to wherever you’re comfortable. When you’re together, remember that it’ll take less time to bundle up than to get into a massive fight over how cold it is. Also, if they’re comfier in colder climates, try to compromise a little. Maybe switch days of who gets the final call, or try to find a temperature you can both agree on.
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