If My Partner Doesn’t Choose Me, They Might As Well Leave Me

There are so many aspects of life in which we settle for less than we deserve but I don’t think that love should be one of them. I want love that is loud and intense, that feels like endlessly falling without ever hitting the ground. I want my partner to choose me as much as I choose them. If they can’t do that, I’m better off alone.

  1. Not being chosen feels awful. It hurts when you’re willing to go through hell and high water for someone who wouldn’t do the same for you. You want to believe that your love is enough to cover you both but it hardly ever is. I’d rather go through the pain of a breakup than being in a relationship where I’m forever second-guessing my partner’s feelings for me.
  2. No relationship is worth losing myself over. The sad thing about not being chosen by your partner is that it slowly chips away at your sense of self. You start to change yourself into the person you think they want you to be. You think you could win them over if you just tried a little harder. You let them cross far too many lines, then it’s a slippery slope from there to reduced self-esteem. After a while, it becomes difficult to not judge yourself by the harsh light of feelings, or lack of them, towards you.
  3. It takes the fun out of romance. The last time I stayed in a relationship with someone who wouldn’t choose me because I was convinced being with them was all that mattered, things became tedious. I constantly found myself resorting to manipulation and other negative strategies in order to get the upper hand in the relationship, even feel like we had equal footing in it. At the end of the day, I was too exhausted from all the plotting and overthinking to enjoy the fruits of my labor.
  4. Being single is better than chasing after crumbs. Sometimes it’s hard to stick to my guns and not settle for less love than I deserve because I’m terrified of what would happen if I let go. But temporary loneliness is better than feeling like you’re only one with something to lose in your relationship. I don’t want to have to make do with what little affection someone throws my way. Give me an abundance of love or miss me with your lukewarm BS.
  5. There’s no love story called hemming and hawing. I refuse to romanticize suffering and longing. I’m not going to waste my time with a partner that I have to prod and convince to love me the way that I want to be loved. I don’t need a relationship that I constantly have to audition for. No matter how attracted I am to a person, if they can’t make up their mind and choose me in heart and actions, I count it as a red flag and call it quits.
  6. Not knowing where I stand would drive me crazy. Being with a partner that doesn’t choose me is going to leave me full of questions. I’m always going to wonder how much I mean to them and if they rate me as much as I want to believe they do. I’ll always feel like they’re playing games with my heart even when they’re being genuine. I’ll be on edge all the time, waiting for the other shoe to drop.
  7. I want to be a priority, not an option. When someone chooses you, it means that you’re an important part of their world. It means they’re committed to you and the process of loving you. They’re are saying they value and respect you. You have their attention all day and every day. They take you seriously and will do everything they can to show you how much they want you around.
  8. I don’t want to regret settling. The heart wants what it wants. If your partner doesn’t choose you willingly, no amount of pandering and chasing after them is going to change that. If they eventually cave and decide to build something with you, it might not still be enough for you. Resentment might even creep in along the way.  I don’t want to spend the rest of my life hating that I didn’t have the courage to hold out for something better.
  9. I’d rather wait for the right person. I have so much love to give and I deserve someone who can return it in equal measure. I deserve a partner who chooses me every day, even when it’s really hard, even on days when I don’t choose myself. I’d choose being single over being half-life any day.
A girl preoccupied with living her best life even when it's uncomfortable to do so. She spends a lot of time with her thoughts. She hopes you enjoy reading the results of those thoughts.