My Partner Hates That I’m Independent And Don’t Need Him

Couples break up all the time and I refuse to feel devastated if my relationship ends because I was codependent with my partner and lost myself. To avoid this, I’ve become more and more independent the longer I’ve been with my boyfriend and he hates it—I think he’s obsessed with me being obsessed with him. Oh well!

  1. Lunch dates by myself have become my favorite thing. Lately, I’ve been going on lunch dates on my own and I love the simplicity of it. It’s relaxing and comforting to know the only person I need is myself. I still go out with my boyfriend sometimes, of course, but I have no problem getting a table for one and enjoying a meal solo.
  2. The more independent I become, the less I’m bothered by other people’s shortcomings. Over and over I’ve found myself disappointed by boyfriends, friends, and family members throughout my life. I’d put so much stock in other people that I couldn’t help but feel devastated when they inevitably let me down. Eventually, I learned that if I cared more about myself and what I was doing, I wasn’t worried so much about everyone else. It was great for my mental health.
  3. I used to be obsessed with my boyfriend to an unhealthy degree. At the beginning of our relationship, I was obsessed with whatever my boyfriend was doing, who he was talking to, where he was going, blah blah blah. If he canceled our plans, I was devastated and it would ruin my entire day. I was so reliant on him for my happiness that I couldn’t see straight. It was totally unhealthy and I had to make a change. That’s when I started focusing on myself more and suddenly, I was able to break the spell.
  4. He accuses me of not needing him anymore—and he’s kind of right. As I’ve become way less codependent with my boyfriend, I don’t need to spend nearly as much time with him. I used to be all about date nights and couples vacations, but now I really relish doing things on my own. He hasn’t taken it so well—he accuses me of being selfish and not needing him anymore and while I hate to admit it, he’s right in a way.
  5. Of course I love my boyfriend but we don’t need to be attached at the hip. Sometimes it’s really frustrating that my partner can’t just understand that I enjoy time alone. It doesn’t mean I hate our relationship or that I don’t love him, it just means I need time to myself and that’s OK. We don’t have to do everything together. Having our own lives is healthy and will make our relationship better in the long run but he doesn’t seem to get that.
  6. Maybe if he tried being more independent, he’d get where I’m coming from. I don’t think my boyfriend has even tried having time to himself at any point in our relationship. He always needs to be with me or basically anyone else, and I think that’s why he can’t understand where I’m coming from. I don’t think it’s healthy that he can’t bear to be on his own either.
  7. He says he’s “worried” about me but I don’t really get why. What’s so wrong with loving my independence? He’s concerned that I like being alone a little too much but I don’t see the problem. It’s not like I avoid him purposely, but if I get the opportunity to read a book in a bath or to go for a jog alone, I will. It’s called self-care. I wish he’d just back off sometimes.
  8. If he left me, I’d be sad but not devastated. Knowing that the only person I depend on is myself makes me more confident that heartbreak won’t be so hard for me. I remember when my boyfriend was my life and thinking that without him, I wouldn’t be able to go on. Now I know that if we ended things, I’d be able to put the pieces back together pretty quickly.
  9. I’m all I truly need and that will never change. I adore my boyfriend just as I do my close friends and family. I love to know that I have such a strong support system behind me, but I also know that at the end of the day, all of us are human and that being self-sufficient and truly only relying on myself is the only way to ensure I’m OK no matter what happens in my life. If my boyfriend doesn’t like that, maybe he shouldn’t be with me.
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